Glorfindel Goes Hug-Wild Crazy
by NirCele
Summary: Inspired by Pip the Dark Lord of All (if you die from reading this, it's her fault). Glorfindel is feeling a little...OOC, and then he discovers that everyone in MIDDLE EARTH has a problem! To solve this problem, he decides to hug them! EVERYONE! Chaos and horror commences. Rated K-plus for terror, hugging, fainting, trolling, laughing, and more than a little screaming in terror.
1. Glorfindel Goes On a Hugging Rampage

Glorfindel saw Elrond walking down the hallway looking a little bit depressed, so the Balrog-slayer immediately ran to him and wrapped his arms around him. "Don't worry," he crooned into the Peredhel's ear, "everything will be okay."

"What?" Elrond tried to escape Glorfindel's crushing grip, but the Elda was a little bit too strong. "Glorfindel, stop it."

"No, don't worry. Let your worries go, let them fall away from you like a –" Glorfindel saw over Elrond's shoulder Celebrían walking toward them, and he pushed Elrond away and shot to her. He enfolded her in a massive hug. "You are an amazing mother!" he announced.

"Glorfindel, stop it!" Elrond said, and ran to pull him away from his wife. He glared at the Balrog-slayer. "_I'm_ the only one allowed to hug her!"

"Aw, that's so sweet," Celebrían giggled, and Glorfindel smashed their heads together so they would just kiss and get it over with, then continued running down the halls to look for more people.

He found Elladan and Elrohir in the training yards, sparring fiercely. Sprinting across the muddy field, he tackled Elrohir and they both fell to the ground. Elladan stared for a moment, then Glorfindel popped up and squished him in a bear hug as well. With that, he sped away, and left Elladan and Elrohir behind him completely flabbergasted.

The next person he found was Arwen, standing in a corridor in front of a mirror and tittering at her reflection. She screamed when Glorfindel picked her up, but Glorfindel ignored it and hugged her until she stopped. Then he set her down and ran down the hallway.

He found the cook next, chopping a vegetable as tears streaked down her face. Shocked at the open weeping, Glorfindel vaulted over the counter and crushed her in a hug. When she could barely breathe, he sprinted out of the kitchen. Then he found that his eyes stung and mysteriously, they were wet. Horrified again, he rounded a corner and almost ran the next person over.

It was Erestor, and actually, he did run him over. The adviser toppled backwards, books and papers flying everywhere. Glorfindel politely declined picking them up but yanked Erestor to his feet and squished him in a hug. He was thanked by a foot to the knee, so he hobbled/ran down the hallway.

Another person he found by the singing, sweet and soft. He burst into the room, still limping, and saw a dark-haired minstrel sitting beside the window, his fingers delicately moving over strings on the harp that accompanied his lilting voice. Glorfindel scooped Lindir and the harp up from behind and hugged them. He heard a smashing noise, then whirled and left in search for more victims.

Behind him, he left a trail of destruction, of which I will now give you a list.

Elrond and Celebrían – two bloody noses.

Elladan and Elrohir – many wounds because they had to go on an Orc hunt for the trauma that his hugs caused and were therefore wounded badly.

Arwen – continued screaming until everyone in Imladris had a terrible headache.

The cook – fell in love with Glorfindel and became a creepy stalker. Also never cut onions again.

Erestor - all of his hard work for the day was ruined and flew all over the place, and the food for the next day was nowhere to be found because the order was lost.

Lindir – the harp he hugged was broken and Lindir refused to play anything until he got a new one.

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**Inspired by a weird conversation with ****Pip the Dark Lord of All****, of which I am grateful yet horrified of at the same time. I'm kind of afraid to read back over this now, so tell me if I made any mistakes.**

**There may be more to come! What if Glorfindel ran all the way to Mirkwood after deciding everyone there needed a hug as well?!**

**Review, if you don't want to be maliciously blamed for all the hugging Glorfindel is doing and therefore get attacked by everyone in Imladris.**


	2. Glorfindel Continues the Hugging Rampage

**This is much more insane than the last chapter. It was also written at midnight. O_o (scared yet?)**

**Disclaimer: The author is not held accountable for any acts of insanity, trying-to-be-fabulousness, screaming, or getting thrown off cliffs. Read at your own peril.**

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Glorfindel was so worried about the state of Middle Earth. He had already seen a cook crying about something! What did that say about the rest of the world?

No, I mean – Glorfindel was _really_ worried. He was so worried that he decided to run all the way to Lothlórien and ask that blonde-lady-who-glowed what was going on. Of course, on the way there he made a wrong turn, so he ended up in a dark, gloomy, murky forest that was (oddly enough) named Mirkwood.

Fortunately the guards at the King's castle opened the gate before all of the spiders could eat him. Glorfindel ran inside and saw the guards holding the door open. He shot over to them and gave them big hugs, which made them feel very happy, since they never got hugs. Then he ran inside and started looking for someone to ask for directions.

First he sprinted right into the throne room. There was a tall elf sitting fabulously on his throne made of…antlers? Anyway, the tall elf was sitting fabulously, then he flicked his blond hair over his shoulder fabulously and looked, with fabulousness, down at Glorfindel. "What do you want, peasant?" he said fabulously, and Glorfindel screamed.

Then he jumped up the steps and jumped at Thranduil, giving him the biggest and longest hug he had given anyone, ever. The guards a few hundred feet away looked at each other, then shrugged and went back to standing still and not breathing.

"We all understand you!" Glorfindel said, somehow patting Thranduil's head comfortingly while hugging him at the same time. "Your wife died –"

"She's not dead," Thranduil said fabulously, but Glorfindel wasn't listening.

"– Your _father_ died –"

Thranduil rolled his eyes fabulously. "True, fortunately. He wasn't fabulous enough."

"– Your kingdom is failing –"

Thranduil made a sad fabulous face. "I know, right?"

"AND!" Glorfindel said dramatically, "Your son ran off with his not-real redheaded friend!"

"Excuse me, I'm not imaginary!" said some redhead elf a few feet away, and Glorfindel and Thranduil both screamed. Thranduil screamed with fabulousness, while Glorfindel just screamed.

"WHO THE HECK IS THAT I THOUGHT SHE WAS IMAGINARY!" Glorfindel screamed.

"KILL THE SHE-ELF!" Thranduil screamed fabulously. The guards looked at each other, then screamed and ran at her. "KIIIIIINNNNSSSSLLLLLLAAAYYYYYYYYYIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!"

The redhead screamed and ran away, then Glorfindel continued hugging Thranduil. "We understand," he said, patting Thranduil's fabulous hair. Thranduil made a confused, but fabulous, face. "You understand what?"

"How sad you are because Legolas doesn't listen to you and he thinks his mother died somewhere near that mountain with all the gold."

"Gold?" said Thranduil with a fabulous evil glint in his eyes.

"No, Legolas," Glorfindel corrected.

"Oh. Legolas!" Thranduil burst into fabulous tears and Glorfindel hugged him, patting his back this time. "There, there," he said. "It'll all be okay."

"_Ada_!" came a trying-to-be-fabulous-but-mostly-failing scream from the bottom of the throne. "Why is someone hugging you?"

"Legolas?" Thranduil fabulously wiped his tears away and looked over – no, down, to see his blonde-haired son looking annoyingly confused. "LEGOLAS!" he screamed fabulously, then regained his composure and sat back. He flicked his hand fabulously and two guards came running over, covered in blood and red hair.

"Take him away," he said dramatically and fabulously, and then flicked his hand fabulously.

The guards looked at each other, then jumped up on the throne and dragged Glorfindel away. Thranduil looked down his fabulous nose at his son, then flicked his hair over his shoulder. "How was the Quest?"

"Oh, it was fine," said Legolas. "I made a new friend."

"Goody!" Thranduil said fabulously, clapping his hands together. "So who is it?"

Legolas reached behind him and pulled out a short stumpy thing with red hair. Thranduil screamed, still fabulously. "A DWARF? YOU BROUGHT A DWARF HOME AS A NEW PET?" He sniffed fabulously and looked down at his fingernails. "AND A REDHEAD AT THAT! HOW LESS FABULOUS CAN YOU GET? A DWARF FOR A PET?"

"Well, he is good for a footstool," Legolas said, and climbed up to sit on the floor beside Thranduil, then stretched his feet out and put them on Gimli's head. "Don't worry," he said when the Dwarf glared at him. "This means he doesn't want to kill you yet!"

Meanwhile, six hundred feet below them, the guards that had dragged Glorfindel away were sobbing as he hugged them.

"It's okay," Glorfindel soothed, then he saw someone with keys jangling at his belt walking toward the wine cellar. "YOU!" he screamed, and left the two guards crying behind him. They started hugging each other instead, and three years later, got married and had fifty kids.

Glorfindel didn't care. He tackled the elf with keys and smashed him to the ground, giving him a concussion. He hugged Galion (yes, the elf was Galion) for a few minutes before he looked down and realized that his hugs were so amazing that this person had passed out from the sheer amazingness of it. Feeling much better himself, Glorfindel jumped up and ran upstairs to the throne room again.

Legolas was asleep, his feet propped up on some hairy thing's head, while Thranduil was looking at some rectangular flat object in his hand and fabulously tapping it. He saw Glorfindel coming and he quickly and fabulously slipped it into his pocket. "What do you want now?" he said fabulously. "And why aren't you in the dungeons?"

"Where's Lothlórien?" Glorfindel asked, then he saw Legolas, sitting all alone by himself with no one, so he immediately ran over to him and gave him a big hug. Legolas woke up screaming, and Glorfindel screamed at Legolas' screaming, then screamed and threw him over the side of the railing. There was a long scream that slowly faded as Legolas vanished from view, and suddenly the little hairy red thing moved.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Glorfindel and Thranduil (Thranduil fabulously), and they jumped and hugged each other.

"Don't worry, Master Elf, I will save you!" said the little hairy red thing, then it ran over to the edge of the walkway and jumped. It made no noise as it fell, confirming Glorfindel's suspicious that it was a furball that the big ugly dragon a few years back had coughed up.

Thranduil stopped screaming and fabulously sat back down on his throne, flipping his hair over his shoulder for the fifty-sixth time that day. "Now, what do you want?"

"I need the directions to Lothlórien," said Glorfindel. "I think I took a wrong turn somewhere."

Thranduil raised a fabulous eyebrow. "That's like calling Pizza Hut and asking for the number to Little Caesar's."

"Well, I don't know who Pizza Hut is, or why someone named Caesar is so little, but I need to know where Lothlórien is."

Thranduil flapped his hand fabulously. "Oh, somewhere that way. Just follow the clouds."

"Thank you!" Glorfindel leaped up on the throne and hugged Thranduil again, then dashed away, starting to sing, "Dashing through the halls, of an Elvenking today; oh what fun it is to sing, in a happy cave tonight!"

Thranduil sniffed fabulously and pulled out his phone again, then continued texting.

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**I don't know why I continued this. Why would I continue this insanity?**

**Why? I blame ****Pip the Dark Lord of All**.

**And I have an idea for a next part! What if…Glorfindel came across an old pal, one he used be best frenemies with and actually, gave him a kind of curse/blessing/'nomanshallkillyou' type of thing? Oops. I think I've said too much already.**

**Review, or…uh…*pulls open the dictionary and looks up 'Worst Thing to Happen to Human, Elf, or Vulcan'* *finds something*…or I will TURN OFF YOUR INTERNET!**


	3. Glorfindel's Rampage Is Somewhat Delayed

Glorfindel, on his way out of Mirkwood, saw a bunch of fat ugly spiders weaving spider-webs all in the trees. His jaw dropped open in shock, then he jumped up into the trees and ran toward them, holding his arms out.

"I UNDERSTAND!" he screamed. "YOU ALL FEEL SO LONELY AND JUST WANT SOME PLACE TO CALL HOME! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR 'MOTHER' HELPED DESTROY THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN THE WORLD!"

The spiders looked at each other, looked at Glorfindel, then screamed in terror and ran away. Glorfindel chased them all the way to the edge of the forest, then watched in disappointment as the spiders screamed in terror all the way to some river nearby, then jumped in and drowned themselves. He then remembered what Thranduil had fabulously said and he looked at the sky. Above him he could see light fluffy clouds, which obviously couldn't be what Thranduil had been fabulously talking about, so he looked around even more.

Glorfindel saw a second later that there deep, black, ugly, thick, filthy clouds on the horizon, with mountains beneath them. He didn't recall Lothlórien being that disgusting, but it must just be what pollution is today! With a happy sigh, he started running toward it. A few hours later, he was stopping in front of this huge, massive, black, disgusting – and did I mention massive? – set of double doors. They reminded him of Elladan and Elrohir.

Glorfindel walked up the doors and knocked once, then waited until they opened. He scratched his head when no one came out, then remembered something and said in a high-pitched whiny voice which he copied from Estel – "Let the lord of the Black Lands come forth!"

A moment later, a black horse emerged from the mist and stopped next to him, amid much creepy clanking of black metal armor. An ugly thing dressed in black sat on top of it, with some type of helmet that was also black.

Glorfindel wondered if black was the theme of this place or something.

Black robes swished dramatically and gloomily around the human-ish thing as it looked at Glorfindel. Or maybe it didn't look. Glorfindel couldn't tell, since it didn't seem to have eyes. Some strange music played dramatically in the background, but the human-ish thing turned its head and glared for a second at something, then the music stopped and two Orcs came out from hiding. "Sorry," they said, looking at the ground.

Glorfindel saw their sad faces and knew he had to act immediately, even if he was lost again. He jumped at the two and gave them big hugs, which made them scream happily and suddenly turn into elves, who screamed in terror at the human-ish thing and then the new elves ran away, leaving their Orc instruments behind.

The human-ish thing rolled its nonexistent eyes and looked back at Glorfindel. "My master, Sauron the Great, bids thee welcome," he said in a creepy grumbly type of voice. He glanced around, then glared at Glorfindel. "Is there any of this rout with the authority to treat with me?"

"Oh, you need a treatment!" Glorfindel ran over and hugged the horse, which suddenly lost its grumpy stompy walk and stood straight up, happy. Then he pulled down the human-ish thing and gave it a very big hug. "I bid thee welcome as well!" Glorfindel said, and the human-ish thing screamed in terror suddenly, then turned and ran away. The horse whinnied in confusion, then screamed in terror also and ran away.

Glorfindel turned slowly around…then came face to face with a terrible black hooded form, formless eyes glaring out at him. His jaw dropped in shock. "Fred?"

"That's not my name anymore," grumbled the Witch-King of Angmar. His eight minions, also dressed in black and looking creepy, stood behind him and exchanged confused looks.

"Eh, do you know this guy, boss?" asked one.

"What?" Glorfindel screamed. "You mean you didn't tell them about me? Fred, I'm shocked!"

"You tried to kill me!" screamed the Nazgul in a much more terrifying voice. "Remember? The 'no man shall kill him' thing? Why would you even do that?! I thought we were buddies!"

"Oh come on, that was centuries ago," Glorfindel said. "But really, you didn't tell your friends about me? I'm shocked, ol' buddy, ol' pal!" He sniffled and looked genuinely upset for a minute, but then smiled happily and jumped forward to hug Fred. His arms went right through him, but then he figured out how to solve that problem – he held his arms in a circle and made patting motions.

Fred burst into invisible tears.

"There, there," crooned Glorfindel, patting the thin air that doubled as the Nazgul's back. A few moments later Fred dried his invisible tears.

"I'm fine now," he said. He pointed at the Nazgul behind him. "Okay, this is Khamûl, but we all call him Moo."

"Delighted to meet you, Moo!" Glorfindel hugged that Nazgul.

"Uh, and this is Bob."

"Lovely!" Glorfindel lunged at him.

"And here's Davey – put the sword away, Davey."

"How wonderful!" Glorfindel hugged him tightly, which should have been impossible, but apparently it wasn't.

"And that's Nate," said Fred, pointing to the Nazgul directly behind him.

"Oh, what joy!" cried Glorfindel, hugging that one as well.

"There's Jim."

"Amazing!" Glorfindel practically strangled him.

"Uh…his name, it's, um…Biff, right."

"What wonder!"

"That one is Agent Phil, but we just call him Phil," said Fred, pointing at the second-to-last Nazgul, who had a spear sticking out of his chest from behind.

Glorfindel glared at him. "How dare you!"

"How dare I?" said Phil in an innocent raspy voice.

"We thought you were dead!" said Glorfindel. "You even trailed off dramatically mid-sentence!"

Phil shrugged. "Well, it was a great opportunity, I couldn't help it."

"Meh." Glorfindel shrugged as well, then leaped forward and hugged him too. He turned to the last Nazgul and raised an eyebrow dramatically. "And who are you?"

"I am Dude," said the last Nazgul.

"Dude?"

"Yes, Dude," said Dude.

"Whoa, dude! You mean your name is Dude?!"

"Yes, it's Dude, dude."

"Dude! That's awesome, dude!"

"Shut up," said Fred, who was getting a headache, even though it was physically impossible for a Nazgul to get a headache.

Glorfindel and Dude looked at him with shock. "Du-_ude_!"

Fred sat down, then bent over and hit his head on the ground many times. The other Nazgul saw what he was doing, then sat down and began hitting their heads on the ground. Dude sat down and began hitting his head on the ground.

After a moment of staring at them, Glorfindel sat down and started hitting his head on the ground. In between whacks, he said conversationally, "So Fred, I think I might have gone the wrong way. Would you happen to know where Lothlórien is?"

"Oh, of course," Fred said, hitting his head on the ground.

Glorfindel waited twenty more head whacks before asking, "So where is it?"

"Next to a bunch of mountains," said Fred. "And surrounded by a lot of trees."

"Thanks," said Glorfindel. "So can you take me there?"

"No," Fred said. "_My_ boss might get mad at me."

"Oh," Glorfindel said with a disappointed look on his face. "Okay, then. So can Dude take me there?"

"Du-u-u-u-u-u-ude," said Dude in a dramatic hippy way.

"No," said Fred.

"Aw, man," Glorfindel said, and continued hitting his head on the ground. When Fred stopped hitting his head on the ground, his headache gone, the others stopped as well.

Then Fred saw the Orc instruments lying on the ground from earlier and he pointed at them. "Does anyone know where those came from?"

"I think I do," said Biff in a timid voice.

Fred and all the other Nazgul screamed, except for Dude, who just went, "Dude…"

"Who are you?" Fred said, staring at the other Nazgul in shock.

Biff looked at the ground. "I'm Biff," he said in a sad voice. Glorfindel hugged him to make him feel better.

"Oh, you," said Fred. "Right. Where did the instruments come from, then?"

"Those elves we saw running away a minute ago," Biff said.

"Elves?" Glorfindel wondered. "Oh right. I hugged a few Orcs and they turned into Elves."

"We hatesssss nassssty elvesssesss," said a whispery gaspy voice from somewhere, and Glorfindel ran over to Gollum, hugged him, then ran back to the Nazgul.

Fred was hitting his head on the ground again. "Stop hugging Orcs!" he complained between whacks. "You're turning them all into Elves!"

Glorfindel shrugged. "Sorry."

Fred stood up. "Okay, who wants to start a music band with those instruments?!"

Everyone raised their hands except for Dude, who just went, "Dude…" Glorfindel raised his hand until Fred said, "That's settled, then! Everyone pick an instrument."

"What were we raising our hands for again?" asked Jim, and was promptly hit in his invisible head by nine different instruments – one from each other Nazgul and one from Glorfindel – and a glowing yellow ring. Immediately all of the Nazgul screamed and crowded around Jim.

"Is it, is it, is it?" Fred said excitedly, then his invisible shoulders slumped and he grabbed the electric guitar he had thrown. "Never mind."

"Givessss usss precioussss back, preciousssss," said Gollum, and Nate threw the ring at him.

"So can someone take me to Lothlórien?" Glorfindel asked after finding that the microphone he had thrown at Jim was broken.

An ugly pale hand was raised. "Yesss, we will take you to thissss Lothlórien."

"Oh, good, thanks," said Glorfindel. "You're so nice!"

Gollum came out from behind the rock he was hiding behind and led Glorfindel away from the awful music the Nazgul were starting to play.

Glorfindel could still hear Fred talking behind him. "We'll call it the Nazgul Rocks!" screamed Fred excitedly, and everyone smashed their instruments on the ground.

"Duuuuuuuuddddddeeeeeee!" yelled Dude, and Glorfindel and Gollum started running.

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**Well. That officially confirms it. I. Am. Insane. *bows to the readers* Farewell, I have just been captured by the Insanity Police and am going to be committed to an asylum for – okay, not really.**

**Where is Gollum going to take Glorfindel?! Give me your guesses, and I will not tell you whether you got it right! (Hint: It's not Lothlórien, because Gollum "**_**hatessss elvessessss**_**…")**

**Now review, or else Fred and the other Nazgul will COME FOR YOU!**


	4. Glorfindel's Hugging Rampage Continues

***bows* Welcome, readers. If you have read this far I can assume you are also insane. Thank you for following, favoriting, and reviewing! Join me as we stare at tiny little hairy things and wonder with Glorfindel why in the world Gollum didn't take him to Lothlorien!**

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"This doesn't look like Lothlórien," Glorfindel said to Gollum, looking up at the huge mountain before him. Tiny little hairy things were bustling in and out of a gate that was almost as big as Glorfindel.

"Of coursssseee not, preciousssss," Gollum hissed in an evil gravelly voice. "I would never help elvessseessssss. Try and live!" He cackled gaspily, then bounded over to a rock and ran around it, vanishing.

Glorfindel watched him leave sadly. "Oh well," he said, then turned toward the mountain. "Hello, little dragon hairballs!" he called, marching toward the mountain.

A few hairballs seemed to have beady eyes, out of which they gave him suspicious looks, as that was what their eyes were used for.

"Who are you?" said a dark hairball, strutting over to him with hairy hands on hairy hips.

"I am Glorfindel the Sadness-Slayer!" Glorfindel said happily, then picked up the dark hairball and hugged him.

"AHHH!" screamed the dark hairball in a deep voice that made him sound like he wasn't screaming, but rather bellowing. He had a pretty loud voice for something so small.

Glorfindel set him down and looked around, seeing the hundreds of little hairballs that were now rushing toward him with toothpicks drawn. "Looks like I have some work to do," he said, seeing the angry faces that were hidden underneath the hairy faces.

"I AM THORIN OAKENSHIELD, HOW DARE YOU HUG ME!" roared the dark hairball, and Glorfindel hugged him again, which didn't seem to make him any happier, then turned up and hugged the next closest hairball.

"Hey," said the brown hairball he was hugging in a squeaky little voice, "do you know a pretty elf with red hair?" Strangely, this one didn't have any hair on his face.

"The only pretty elf I knew with red hair is in Valinor," said Glorfindel, "and is probably bothering poor Námo every day because she wants her husband and sons to be released from his Halls."

"T**riel is married?!" squeaked the little brown hairball with a horrified look on his hairless face. "Gah!" (This name has been censored due to its unrealistic owner, sorry).

"Put my brother down," another hairball with dirty blonde hair demanded, holding a bundle of toothpicks in his hands and looking like he was about to throw them.

"Nephews!" yelled the hairball that called himself 'Thorin Oakenshield', and grabbed the dirty blond hairball and dragged him away. "Leave the golden elf to his doom!"

Suddenly all the hairballs that had been charging at him screamed in terror and threw their sharp toothpicks all over the place, running back toward their huge mountain and vanishing into the door that was almost as big as Glorfindel.

"What?" said Glorfindel, and put the little brown hairball down, who immediately ran after the other screaming hairballs. Just a moment later, their came a massive roar which shook the ground, and a winged shadow covered Glorfindel.

"Oh!" Glorfindel turned around to see a huge red dragon with glittering scales standing right behind him, towering over him. "Hello, Smug," he said with a happy smile.

"IT'S SMAUG," rumbled the dragon. "AND GET OUT OF MY WAY; I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE DWARVES AND STEAL ALL THEIR GOLD."

"Those are dwarves?" Glorfindel said with a confused look on his face. "I thought they were your furballs that you coughed up."

"NO, STUPID," growled the dragon. "MY FURBALLS ARE BIGGER." He coughed, and a massive furball came out of his mouth, proving his point. It landed right beside Glorfindel, splatting mud all over the place. Not one speck of dirt landed on Glorfindel, however, because he was perfect and never got dirty.

"Well, aren't you a grumpy little dragon," said Glorfindel, and launched himself at Smaug. Smaug screamed in terror as Glorfindel clambered up his scaly legs, then latched himself onto his neck and gave him a massive hug.

Smaug just stayed there for a very long moment, then his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed. He had never ever been hugged before _ever,_ so when Glorfindel hugged him, he had a heart attack and died. Glorfindel vanished underneath his huge body, then scurried out from underneath and turned to face the body of the dragon, grinning.

"My hugs are amazing!" Glorfindel said, proud of himself, then turned back to see what the hairballs – no, _dwarves_, were doing.

They had come out of their mountain again and were staring at him in shock.

"The dragon is dead!" exclaimed a white-haired dwarf with funny-looking face-hair.

"The golden elf killed Smaug!" exclaimed another dwarf.

"Everyone! The golden elf killed the dragon!" 'Thorin' exclaimed, turning and facing all the dwarves behind him. "Throw a majestic party! We must celebrate this momentous day!"

"Look, Uncle!" shrilled the little brown-haired face-hairless dwarf, running up to 'Thorin' with a glowing thingy in his hand. "I found that rock you were looking for!"

"THE ARKENSTONE!" bellowed 'Thorin' happily, then grabbed the rock and popped it in his mouth. He chewed a few times, then swallowed. Raising his hairy hands above his head, he yelled, "I am the true King Under the Mountain! All shall see me, and despair!"

"Uh…" said Glorfindel, then walked over, bent down, and tapped the hairy 'Thorin' on the shoulder. "Hey."

"What?" 'Thorin' said, turning to face Glorfindel. "Oh! You! You are our hero! We must celebrate!"

"No thanks," said Glorfindel. "Actually, I was wondering if you could give me directions somewhere. My guide got lost."

"Of course!" 'Thorin' exclaimed. "Anything for the one who just saved all of our gold and jewels and mountain and family and friends and Arkenstone and majestic-ness!"

Glorfindel looked around at all the little hairballs – dwarves – that were staring at him with happiness on their hairy little faces, then he smiled happily. "You guys are just so cute! Can I hug all of you?"

"What?" said 'Thorin,'

"Oh goody!" Glorfindel picked him up and hugged him, and immediately a bunch of toothpicks appeared in the dwarves hands.

"Put him down!" yelled a hairy dwarf with hair that looked like it was falling off the top of his head a little bit at a time.

"Sheesh, you guys, it's just a hug," said Glorfindel, and put him down. Then he grabbed another dwarf and hugged him, put him down, and went to the next one.

By the time he got through every dwarf, the sun was starting to set and all the dwarves were stumbling around mumbling about 'Dumb golden elves.' Glorfindel was quite happy, however.

"I think I've got you all!" he said, then smiled very, very, very happily. "Now can you give me directions?"

"To where?" asked 'Thorin,' his eyes crossed because of the hug Glorfindel had just given him again.

"Lothlórien!" said Glorfindel happily. "I need to go find Lady Glowy-what's-her-face!"

"You mean the Witch of the Golden Wood?" 'Thorin' said in a dramatic hushed whisper.

"Um…yeah, that one."

"Well…okay. Anything for the one who just saved all of our gold and jewels and mountain and family and friends and Arkenstone and majestic-ness!" 'Thorin' gestured, and a few dwarves stepped forward. He pointed at a red-haired hairy hairball. "You, take the golden elf to this mysterious place called Lothlórien! You've been there before, haven't you?"

"Uh, yes," said the red-haired hairy hairball. "But it was with Leg –"

"Perfect!" roared 'Thorin.' "You shall take the golden elf there, then!"

Glorfindel stared at the red-haired hairy hairball. "What _is_ that mutated orc?"

"HEY THAT'S MY SON!" yelled another grey/red-haired dwarf in the background somewhere. Glorfindel shrugged.

"Okay, if you say so." Glorfindel quickly hugged the red-haired hairy hairball and smiled cheerily. "Where do we go, then?"

The red-haired hairy hairball started walking. "Come on, follow me. We might have to stop somewhere, but it won't be long."

"Okay," Glorfindel agreed, and started following him, humming a tune under his breath.

"Massssterrrr hassssss betrayed usssss!" wailed an ugly gangly-legged grey creature a few feet away, and was promptly skewered by a throwing toothpick one of the dwarves threw.

Suddenly, the hairball that the dragon had spit out a few minutes ago moved. Everyone screamed and grabbed each other, hugging desperately. Glorfindel screamed and grabbed the little red-haired hairy hairball and hugged him desperately.

Hair and fur and bones squelked and squished, then glopped to the side to reveal…something red-haired, hairy, and covered in slime.

The little brown-haired dwarf with no hair on his face suddenly screamed in happiness. "T**riel!" he screamed in happiness. (This name has been censored due to its unrealistic owner, sorry). He lunged at the slime-covered thing and happily wrapped his arms around the something on the slime-covered thing that looked like a leg.

"Oh," said Glorfindel, disappointed. "It's that not-real person again. Meh." He turned and walked away.

Behind him, a blonde-haired elf suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "T**riel!" he screamed in happiness. (This name has been censored due to its unrealistic owner, sorry). He lunged at the slime-covered thing – then he suddenly stopped and scowled down at the brown-haired dwarf with no hair on his face. "What are you doing holding my girl's leg?"

"I am not your _girl_," said the slime-covered thing in a prissy voice. "I can take care of myself, and have any guy I want – because they _all_ love me, I can kick butt, and I am _sooooo _totally awesome." The thing flipped something disgusting and red that looked like hair over its shoulder. "So there. And I just _looooovvvvvee_ this little itty bitty dwarf that I just met a few days ago, don't even know his last name, and don't even know what his favorite color is. You can't stop me!"

"But I'm a prince!" protested the blonde-haired elf, his face falling and looking like he was about to cry.

Suddenly, Glorfindel ran back to them, gave Legolas a hug, then turned and ran away again to catch up with the red-haired hairy hairball that was his escort.

"So am I!" squeaked the little brown-haired dwarf with no hair on his face and still hugging the slime-covered thing's leg.

"You can't love him!" cried Legolas. "He's supposed to be dead anyway!"

The slime-covered thing gasped and quickly covered the little brown-haired dwarf's ears. "Oh, you didn't hear that!" it exclaimed, then scooped up the little brown-haired dwarf with no hair on his face and hugged him. "Besides," it said sassily, "our love is _truuueeeeee_."

"I hate you," said Legolas. He kicked a rock, which broke three of his toes, screamed, and ran to catch up with Glorfindel and the red-haired hairy hairball.

"Hey, Legolas," said the red-haired hairy hairball when Legolas had caught up to them.

"Hey, Legolas," said Glorfindel when Legolas had caught up to them.

"Hey, Glorfindel. Hey, Gimli," said Legolas. He was limping. "THIS IS WHY I HATE DWARVES!" he wailed, pointing back at where the slime-covered thing and the little brown-haired dwarf with no hair on its face were running for their lives from a million irate dwarves waving toothpicks in the air.

"You hate me?" Gimli said, not really shocked.

"No, not you," Legolas said. "Just that brown-haired one with no hair on his face."

"He's my cousin!" Gimli exclaimed, affronted.

"He stole my _girl_!" Legolas shrieked.

Gimli made an awkward face. "Uh…he's adopted."

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**Guess where they're going to go next?!**

**I'll give you a hint, IT'S NOT LOTHLORIEN, ONCE AGAIN. Wow, poor Glorfindel is never going to get to Lothlorien and have the answer he wants. I bet Galadriel is secretly laughing at him in her little mirror-thing. *growls angrily***

**REVIEW OR GIMLI WILL EMBED HIS AXE IN YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM AND LEGOLAS WILL KILL YOU WITH TWO ARROWS SHOT AT THE SAME TIME BUT IT WILL STILL ONLY COUNT AS ONE.**


	5. Glorfindel's Hugging Rampage Turns South

**I just want everyone to know that there is absolutely no timeline in this. Glorfindel the amazing Sadness-Slayer is not hampered by the ridiculous limits of time or space!  
Also, thank you, everyone, for your reviews! LOTCR (L)ord (O)f (T)he (C)razed (R)eviews), you're hilarious! I love your reviews! *dies laughing* And wow! I think this is the most reviews I have ever gotten on one chapter before! Keep it up! *claps for you all***

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"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Glorfindel asked the little red-haired hairy hairball – no, _Gimli_ – as he saw a bunch of burning houses in the distance. There were also many people screaming and running around in circles ahead.

Gimli looked as insulted as a hair-covered thing could look. "Yes, of course we're going the right way! Why would King Thorin give you a guide that doesn't know where he's going?"

"Gimli, there's a reason you didn't lead the Fellowship," said Legolas.

"No there's not," Gimli said.

"Yes there is."

"No there's not!"

"Yes there is!" exclaimed Legolas.

"Oh yeah, what is it?"

"It's because you have a terrible sense of direction," said Legolas.

"I DO NOT!" roared Gimli in a very loud, very deep, very insulted voice.

"Uh-huh," Legolas said, putting his hands on his hips like he had seen his fabulous father do sometimes – though the fabulous part of the putting-hands-on-hips failed terribly. "I am _so _going to lead now." He shoved ahead of Gimli and started marching away.

Glorfindel scratched his head and followed.

"HEY!" Gimli yelled. "I'm the one leading this mission! Uh…quest…_thing_! Move!" He pushed Legolas out of the way and continued toward the burning villages.

Glorfindel started going after Gimli.

"You're going the wrong way!" said Legolas, frustrated. He cut between Gimli and Glorfindel and began leading the Sadness-Slayer in the other direction. Glorfindel spun and followed.

"No, I'm not! I was the one assigned to lead him anyway!" Gimli, determined not to leave Glorfindel to the wits of _another_ ridiculous blonde-haired elf, grabbed Glorfindel's arm and tugged him in the other direction.

"Hey, that's cheating!" Legolas immediately snatched Glorfindel's other arm and yanked, trying to get him to go in the other direction.

Glorfindel just stood there with a tolerant yet confused look on his face while they pulled in opposite directions, his feet planted firmly in the ground.

"Oh well," said Glorfindel finally, and sat down. Gimli and Legolas let go of him and moved closer, glaring at each other as they continued arguing.

Glorfindel sat for an hour or so before he got bored. Hopping to his feet, he quickly gave Legolas and Gimli a hug – they continued arguing – and dashed away toward the burning village.

Once there, he found some random human woman loading up her two random kids onto a really, really ugly horse. He stared at the horse for a few seconds, and then gave it a hug. After quickly hugging the random human, he hugged her two random kids and darted away toward the city that he could see with his keen elven vision, as he was an elf, and elves tended to have eyes.

When he got to the city, he trotted confidently past the gates and into the main hall. Seeing two random human guards standing guard, as that is what guards do – they guard – he hurried over and hugged them before inquiring, "Mortals, would you happen to know where I am?"

The first guard was unconscious before he hit the floor.

Glorfindel stared at the fainting human before he turned his gaze on the other guard. "Do you know where I am?"

"Edoras, of course," that one managed to squeak out before he fainted as well.

"Oh, of course," said Glorfindel, and nodded his head understandingly. He then leaned over and tapped the unconscious guard's shoulder. "Pardon me, might you tell me where in Middle Earth is Edoras? I really am terrible at this sort of stuff."

When he, unsurprisingly, received no answer, Glorfindel reached into an oversized pocket on his tunic and pulled out his GPS. He turned it on, examined it for a moment, and tapped the screen. Naturally, he hit the wrong button, as that is what everyone does when they try to operate a GPS. An ad came up, and someone started singing a strange song that involved a dancing penguin, a piece of apple pie, and a new sink. Glorfindel screamed loudly and threw the GPS across the courtyard, staring when it broke into millions of pieces and exploded into confetti.

The confetti rained down all over the ground, and Glorfindel drew something in it before he walked all the way inside the big huge building that had horses all over it. He had noticed that these people had a strange infatuation with horses.

"Hello, mortal," he greeted the old guy sitting on the throne with glazed eyes and a decidedly unhealthy complexion. "I greet you."

"What…business do you have _here_ –" the old man started to wheeze, but Glorfindel cut him off.

"What a great question!" With that, he lunged across the room and hugged the old guy. Immediately, a change took place. The nasty grey hair magically shrunk, his eyes cleared, his face became less old, and his back straightened.

"What devilry is this?" said the now-no-longer old guy, looking around with a gleam in his eyes.

Glorfindel stopped hugging him and stepped back. "I'd just like to ask a question. Where is Edoras?"

"Right here, of course," said the now-no-longer old man in a 'duh' voice.

"Oh, of course," Glorfindel said. "I knew that. I meant where in _Middle Earth_ is Edoras?"

The now-no-longer old guy gasped. He gestured, and two guards with a full hazard suit, a mask, and goggles stepped forward. "I do not tolerate cursing in my kingdom! Take the elf away!"

"What?" said Glorfindel as he was dragged away by the guards in hazard suits. They dragged him out of the main building, then dragged him down the pathway. After dragging him to the front gate, they dragged him _out_ the front gate, and tossed him on his backside in the front of the city.

Glorfindel stood up and rubbed his aching backside. He sent a sad look after the guards in hazard suits, wishing that they hadn't just slammed and locked the doors so he could go after them and hug them. Then he heard a girly gasp.

Turning his head, he saw a beautiful blonde-haired human lady standing with a bundle of flowers in one hand and a sword in the other hand. She had a long white-ish dress on, and a terrible method of keeping her hair untangled in a very windy place.

"Oh, hey," said Glorfindel. "I guess that means we're both locked out of the city then?"

"I HATE YOU, WORMTONGUE!" screamed the woman suddenly, throwing her flowers on the ground and storming toward the walls. She hacked at them for a few minutes with her sword before she gave up.

Glorfindel, retaining enough sense to keep from running at her and getting skewered, waited until she paused to get her breath before he hurried over to her and gave her a big hug. The lady burst into tears and he patted her blonde head until she stopped, now decided that he must have been sent back to stop this terrible epidemic of people crying! After all, everywhere he went, _someone_ was crying.

Suddenly the blonde-haired lady jerked back and glared at him. "I'm tough," she said. "I don't _do_ hugs."

"Oh, everyone does hugs, silly," said Glorfindel. Suddenly he spotted a random dude riding into the city with a weird helmet and long blonde hair. He ran to him, gave him a long hug, then ran back to the blonde-haired woman. "See? He accepted my hug!"

"That was my brother!" exclaimed the woman. "Wow! He is _not_ a huggy type of person, either! Huh, I guess hugs aren't that bad!"

"Indeed," agreed Glorfindel, and gave her another hug.

Then the blonde-haired lady gasped and pointed at a white face sticking around a corner. "Oh my word, it's Wormtongue! I HATE YOU, WORMTONGUE!"

The white face vanished.

Glorfindel gasped himself. "Oh my word, it's Wormtongue! Is that guy creeping on you?"

The blonde-haired lady nodded, sniffed, and wiped at her face vigorously with her sword, carving a bunch of gashes into her cheeks. She didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, he keeps following me around and staring at my beautiful new shoes. I think he wants to steal them or something."

"Oh, my!" gasped Glorfindel. He dashed over to the corner of the wall and marched around, immediately seeing the white-faced human who had just been spying on the blonde-haired woman. "YOU," Glorfindel boomed, placing his hands on his hips and looking down at the human. "STOP CREEPING ON MY LADY FRIEND."

"I'm sorry, sorry!" squealed the white-faced human. "I won't do it again!"

"I don't believe you," said Glorfindel, and then promptly gave the white-faced human a hug. The white-faced human passed out from the sheer amazingness of it, and Glorfindel strode back to the blonde-haired woman, happy with himself. "There, that's solved," he said.

The blonde-haired woman sniffed daintily, then remembered she was supposed to be _tough_ and _fierce_. She scowled fiercely and toughly and sheathed her sword. "But my uncle is still acting weird!" she said in a fierce and tough voice.

"Oh, I hugged him and now he's fine," Glorfindel said.

"Really?"

"Yes. Always remember, hugs have the power to heal," Glorfindel instructed her. "Especially if you've been practicing for thousands of years and have perfected your hugs."

"But I'm mortal," said the blonde-haired woman.

"Oh, right, I forgot. You're going to die," said Glorfindel.

The blonde-haired lady's shoulders slumped. "Well, that's cheering."

"It is, isn't it?" Glorfindel agreed.

"ORC!" screamed the woman suddenly, pointing behind Glorfindel.

Glorfindel spun calmly, grabbed the creature, and gave it a fierce hug. There was a 'popping' noise, then an elf appeared (the orc obviously vanished). He stood, staring around for a second, then screamed in terror and dashed away.

Glorfindel smiled happily. "Well, that solved that. Farewell, blonde lady friend! I go to find Lothlórien!" He pulled a handful of glitter out of his pocket, threw it into the air, and punched the nearest person in the face. Then he whirled and dashed away, golden hair flying behind him.

"Bye!" said the blonde-haired woman, waving as he vanished over the nearest hill, which happened to be only a few feet away for ease of writing this story. She frowned suddenly. "Wait! Lothlórien is in the other direction!"

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**Legolas was right. Gimli was leading Glorfindel in the wrong direction. Or…maybe he was leading him in the right direction! Who even knows anymore?  
Okay, someone told me I should be less…threatening when I want reviews. Personally, I really think the threats are working so far, but I'll try to be nicer. *sighs*  
NOW REVIEW and Glorfindel will come and give you a big hug! Squeeee! (Or to Sqagigoo – and you know who you are – if you don't review, Glorfindel will come and give you a big hug!) *clears throat awkwardly* If that even made sense…  
And hey! If you get the HISHE quote, Glorfindel will give you two hugs! *coughs* *clears throat* *smiles innocently*  
**


	6. Glorfindel Hugging Rampages Into Gondor

**Thank you, everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited! ****I regret to inform you that you must read this new chapter, possibly suffer brain damage as a result. Please send the hospital bill to Pip the Dark Lord of All, as this is all her fault. She currently resides in the Silky Pay ****Galaxy, the planet of Arda, in the wonderful continent of Insanity. Her address is 101010101 Gibberish Lane, Binary Code, Shmexas, and the zip code is simply 12345.** **You're welcome.**

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Glorfindel still hadn't found Lothlórien. He did, however, find a super cool white city thing that looked like it was part-mountain. It had lots of levels, which looked very hard to climb. Fortunately Glorfindel was an elf, and had legs, of which he could walk on, as that it what legs were used for.

Glorfindel ran up to the gate on the super cool white city thing and knocked confidently. A moment later, someone yelled inside and the gate swung open a few inches. A face peered out at him, one with a big nose and blue eyes.

Smiling confidently, Glorfindel smiled confidently at the person. "Hello! Would you happen to know where Lothlórien is?"

"Excuse me?" said the person.

"Who's the king here?" Glorfindel asked.

"We…there is no king. Would you like to speak with the Steward?" The person looked suitably impressed by Glorfindel, as he was an elf, and elves tended to impress people.

"Ooh, yes! More peoples to hugs!" Glorfindel exclaimed, clasping his hands together, then he blinked. "I just sounded like that little grey thing that was my first guide." He shrugged. "Okay! I would love to see this Steward guy! Where is he?"

"Uh…do you have any weapons with you?" asked the person.

Glorfindel thought about that. "I have a sword. Does that count?"

"Yes? I think you'll have to leave it here?"

"Why do you keep answering my questions with a question?" Glorfindel inquired politely, but he was actually wishing that the person would just open the gate so he could hug him.

"I keep answering your questions with a question?"

"Yes, you do – aha! You just did it again!" Glorfindel pointed accusingly for a moment, then he unstrapped the sword from his waist and leaned it very carefully against the outside wall. "There, that's done." He walked confidently toward the gate, and it swung open as expected.

The person inside just stared at him. "Um…hi."

"Hello there!" said Glorfindel cheerfully, and gave him a big hug. It apparently made him feel better, since he stood up straight very happily and smiled. Glorfindel smiled too, since it made him feel very happy as well.

"Now where is this Steward guy?"

"In his room, maybe? Or he might be in the throne room?" The person began to lead Glorfindel into the city. "If you'll follow me?"

"You need to stop answering questions with a question," Glorfindel instructed. "Someone might think it's odd."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" said the person. "It's just a habit." He looked sad, so Glorfindel hugged him again, and then they kept walking. A few minutes later, they reached a super big courtyard that overlooked the entire city, and also had a bunch of random guards standing in a circle around a tree. Glorfindel stared at it as they went past, wondering if the random guards were real or just statues. His suspicions were confirmed a second later when one of them accidentally breathed.

"Le gasp!" gasped Glorfindel. He ran over and hugged the statue/guard, then quickly hugged all of the other statues/guards. They all had stupid goofy grins on his face when he was done, but he didn't notice, and ran back to the person that was waiting for him.

"Okay, all good now."

"All good?" said the person to confirm, then began leading Glorfindel toward the really big building just a few feet away. He led Glorfindel inside, then motioned for him to wait. "Uh…can you wait here a minute? I'll be right back!" He dashed away, and Glorfindel looked around the room curiously.

"Hm…curious."

There were statues lining the wall of a man getting slowly crushed. Glorfindel gave them strange looks before he decided that it must be normal in this human culture, and he turned to face the throne in the middle of the room.

Waiting, Glorfindel only had to wait another few seconds before some guy that he faintly recognized dashed from a door in the side of the room and scrambled onto the throne. He seated himself marvelously, then turned his head toward Glorfindel and gave him an imperious look.

"I am Denethor, son of Ecthelion, Steward of the House of Gondor. How may I – oof!"

Glorfindel patted the man's head as he hugged him. "Oh, what a joy to meet you, Denethor! I've heard so much about you!"

"Really?" the man said with a hopeful look on his face.

Glorfindel thought about that for a moment, then he shrugged. "Actually, no."

"Aw…" Denethor looked disappointed, and so Glorfindel continued hugging him. He couldn't bear to see people looking disappointed.

After a minute, Denethor didn't look disappointed anymore, so Glorfindel stopped hugging him and stepped back. "Hey, 'Thor, who was that person that brought me up here?"

"'Thor?"

"Oh, it's my new nickname for you. I hope you don't mind." Glorfindel smiled.

Denethor considered it, then smiled as well. "I like it. Another!" A cup materialized in his hand, and he threw it onto the floor – where it smashed, as cups tend to break when they are thrown onto the floor.

Glorfindel stared for a moment, then he raised an eyebrow dramatically. "So who is that person that brought me up here?"

"It's my –"

BOOM! The building shook suddenly, and Denethor looked around, startled. Glorfindel winced.

"Oops, I forgot."

A second later, Elrond appeared a few feet away. He was scowling fiercely, a little blood still dripping from his nose from earlier when Glorfindel had smashed his and Celebrían's heads together. He stepped forward and shoved a piece of paper into Glorfindel's hands. "There. Copyright infringement."

"For what?" said Denethor.

Elrond raised an eyebrow haughtily. "The Eyebrow of Doom is copyrighted by me. He just used it, so I'm suing him."

"Oh." Denethor looked bored.

Elrond sniffed and vanished.

Glorfindel looked down at the paper in his hand, recognizing Erestor's handwriting, then shrugged, crumpled the document, and tossed it behind him. It landed on a passing maid and knocked her out. Glorfindel looked behind him and saw the unconscious maid.

"Le gasp!" he gasped. He dashed over to her and gave her a hug, which revived her. She screamed in terror and ran away, and Glorfindel went back over to Denethor.

"As I was saying…" Glorfindel said, "Who is that person who brought me up here?"

"Oh, that's my youngest son, Faramir," Denethor said, flipping his hand dismissively. "He's pretty much useless."

Glorfindel straightened and his eyes flashed a glowing pink! "All humans are equal," he said in a booming voice. "Do not degrade your son. What if your other son died and Faramir was the only one left, then he had a chance of dying as well? You should give both sons just as many hugs as the other." The pink glow faded and he went back to normal. "Got it?"

Denethor stared at him. "Yeah…I think I got it, but just in case, could you repeat it all over again? I wasn't listening."

"Oh, that just means you need more hugs." Glorfindel hugged him, and Denethor burst into tears. Glorfindel patted his back comfortingly. "There, there. It'll all be okay, as long as you don't go insane, try to murder your son, and then commit suicide. Shh…"

"No one likes me!" sobbed Denethor. "Everybody thinks I'm a bad guy, so I'm never their favorite! They all feel sorry for Thranduil, but we're pretty much in the same situation. I even lost my wife too!"

"Well, Thranduil _is_ fabulous," said Glorfindel.

Denethor sniffed. "I know, but still. And also…" He paused, seeming to think. A moment later, the door burst open and the same person from earlier – the one that had led Glorfindel to this place – burst through the door and dragged some random dude in armor along with him.

"Look, Boromir!" the same person from earlier was exclaiming, pointing at Glorfindel. "See? That's the one I was telling you about!"

"Le gasp!" gasped Glorfindel, seeing someone he hadn't hugged yet. He dashed over to the random dude in armor and hugged him tightly. "We all understand your struggles with the One! Uh…kinda." He quickly patted Boromir on the head and ran back to Denethor.

Suddenly Glorfindel gasped. "Le gasp!" he gasped. "I just realized something! You said that you were Denethor, son of Ecthelion!"

"Yes…" said Denethor slowly. He wasn't confused, though, he was just wondering how far he could lean over and grab that plate of fried chicken sitting a few feet away.

"I knew Ecthelion!"

"You knew my dad?" Denethor said with a happy look on his face.

"Oh, yes! He was a very mighty warrior! He killed many enemies of the Dark One before he…ehem…" Glorfindel looked down at the ground awkwardly. "He drowned by getting his helmet spike stuck in the chest of the Lord of Balrogs."

"Oh. How odd." Denethor frowned. "I'd always thought he died of cancer."

"Pretty sure he didn't," Glorfindel said with a smile. He frowned as he looked at Denethor. Strange…he didn't look much like an elf, and Glorfindel could have sworn that Ecthelion was an elf – after all, he had lived in Gondolin for a pretty long time!

"Okay." Denethor shrugged casually and affected a casual pose, slinging one leg over the side of his throne and leaning against the other armrest. "So…what'd you _really_ come all the way up here to ask me about?"

"Oh!" Glorfindel face-palmed. "Right. I need to know where Lothlórien is!"

Denethor gave him a long, suspicious look. "Why do you need to know where Lothlórien is?"

Glorfindel hugged him again, seeing that he had somehow gotten other than happy. "So I can go there, of course!"

"Uh…" said Denethor. "Okay. It's that way." He flapped his hand in the general direction of Lothlórien.

Glorfindel scratched his head. "Last time someone flapped, I couldn't find it. Could you spare anyone to take me there?"

"Sure!" Denethor looked around. "Hm, can't spare Boromir, he is _way_ too important – but there! Yes! Faramir can guide you there! He's not important at all!"

"But I've never been to Lothlórien before," Faramir said. "Do I have to go?"

"Yes!" Denethor snapped.

Glorfindel quickly hugged Denethor again to make him happier, then ran across the room to hug Faramir. Faramir smiled happily at the hug, but Denethor just kinda grunted and shrunk down into his seat.

"Well, you've got your guide," said Denethor, and flapped both of his hands at them. "Go on now, find Lothlórien."

Glorfindel beamed. "Okay! Thank you!" He bounded out of the building, Faramir slinking behind him, wrapped in his Ranger cloak again.

Behind them, Denethor whispered to Boromir, "Quickly now! Bring me that book about my dad. I need to see if he really died fighting a Balrog. So marvelous!" Denethor clapped his hands together, giggling maniacally.

Boromir just shrugged and did as he was told, used to his father's odd requests.

Meanwhile, Glorfindel and Faramir had just reached the first gate to the city. Glorfindel picked up his sword and strapped it back to his waist. Faramir gave it an admiring look.

"Where did you get that amazing sword?"

"Uh…" Glorfindel looked down at it and scratched his head. "I can't remember. I think someone gave it to me for a birthday present."

"Cool!" exclaimed Faramir. "It looks super awesome! Are you really good at fighting with it?"

Glorfindel smiled happily. "Of course!"

"Whoa!" exclaimed Faramir. "How many Orcs have you killed with it?"

Glorfindel looked horrified. "I don't _kill_ Orcs, that would be inhumane! Or…inelfane. Or inorcane. But anyway – why would I kill a poor innocent Orc? I just hug them and it makes it all better!"

"Hugs make everything better?" Faramir repeated with a very doubtful look on his face.

"Of course!" said Glorfindel cheerfully.

Suddenly an Orc sprang from a hole in the ground and rushed toward them, scimitar drawn. "Gragggghhhh!" it growled.

"Le gasp!" Glorfindel gasped. He quickly ran to the Orc and hugged it. There was a pop, and an elf appeared, who looked extremely confused. He looked around, then down, then up, then around again, and then he screamed in terror and dashed away.

Glorfindel smiled happily. "See?"

"That was weird?" said Faramir. "Uh. Anyway. Follow me, I guess. I think I know where Lothlórien is." He started walking, and Glorfindel followed him.

And far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far…

Far away, an evil person dressed in white cackled as he looked into a magical swirly ball.

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**YES. HAHAHAHAHA. Insanity rules! *cackles evilly***  
**And...now I've got that out of my head...  
REVIEW OR I WILL EAT ALL OF YOUR DONUTS AND REPLACE THE CREAM IN YOUR OREOS WITH TOOTHPASTE, THEN I WILL OFFER YOU A CANDY APPLE AS AN APOLOGY AND A PEACE OFFERING AND IT WILL JUST BE AN ONION WITH ****CARAMEL ON IT, AND THEN AFTER THAT I WILL PUT REAL WORMS INTO YOUR BAG OF GUMMY WORMS.**


	7. Glorfindel Does Love His Hugging Rampage

"A red sun rises," said Faramir in a gloomy and doomy voice. "Blood has been spilled this night."

"Uh…" said Glorfindel, staring at him. "Right. Anyway."

"Hey," Faramir said. "Would you mind if we stopped by somewhere? I just wanted to ask someone something about somewhere."

"That's rather vague," mused Glorfindel. "Okay, I don't mind!" He smiled cheerily and Faramir smiled happily, both cheery and happy now.

"This will just be a slight detour," Faramir said and turned a very tiny little bit and led Glorfindel toward the tall black tower in the distance.

"Oh, look, it's Saruman's tower," said Glorfindel. "I've always wanted to visit him and see how he was doing, but I never got the time."

Suddenly they both heard a clear voice ringing over the hills, "Gimli! He's taking the slayer to Isengard!"

"Shut up, Legolas," said a deep voice.

"So you don't think that could be my new hit single?" said the first person, sounding disappointed.

Glorfindel looked around excitedly, hoping that there was someone close by that he could hug, but there was no one. He settled for hugging Faramir again, who smiled happily and cheerily and then they kept walking.

Soon they were at the open gate of Isengard. Smoke rose from giant holes in the ground, trees toppled, and orcs milled in gossiping groups all over the place.

"HOLY CHAMELEON!" cried Glorfindel in utter excitement, seeing the hundreds – and maybe even thousands – of orcs. "THIS WAS A GREAT IDEA, FARAMIR!" He hugged Faramir once more and then dashed away, heading for the nearest group of orcs.

Faramir stared for a long moment, then shrugged and walked over to the huge giant massive towering colossal gigantic immense vast enormous tall lofty mammoth gargantuan black tower and knocked on the door.

A white-faced person answered the door. He looked at Faramir and then turned around and scurried into the tower, leaving the door open. Taking that as an invitation, Faramir went inside.

"Master!" the white-faced person squeaked, running up a staircase and vanishing. "That person you said was coming has come! He has come and now he's down in the lobby."

Faramir looked around the lobby. It all seemed very glum and depressing.

"Oh, excellent," a strange voice boomed, and then a tall bearded white-haired, white-clothed figure appeared at the top of the steps. He descended regally most of the way, then suddenly tripped over his robes on the last step.

"Curse it," snapped the tall bearded white-haired, white-clothed figure. He shook out his robes and then walked regally toward Faramir.

"Hey, buddy," said Faramir.

Saruman scowled threateningly yet regally. "What have I told you about calling me buddy?"

Faramir shrugged.

"I said, DON'T CALL ME BUDDY! IT REMINDS ME OF A HORRIBLE HOLIDAY MOVIE WITH FAKE ELVES IN IT!" Saruman took a deep breath and tapped the floor regally with his stick. "Gríma, get down here!"

The white-faced person suddenly appeared next to him. He was staring at Faramir's muddy brown boots. "I really like your muddy brown boots," he said.

Faramir stared at him. "Uh…okay." He looked back at Saruman. "All right, buddy, I just wanted to ask you if –"

Saruman threw his staff on the floor angrily and regally. "I SAID, DON'T CALL ME –" He stopped suddenly and froze, staring at the open door of his tower. "You…" he whispered in something that sounded like terror.

Faramir looked at the door. "Oh, that's just Glorfindel," he said.

Glorfindel was staring at Saruman too. Saruman stared at him.

They both stared at each other.

Suddenly Glorfindel screamed in happiness and shot across the room, heading straight for Saruman. The white-haired wizard screamed in terror and turned to run, but was tackled by Glorfindel. Glorfindel gave him a very, very long hug.

Faramir and Gríma stared.

Finally Glorfindel stopped hugging him and set him upright, since Saruman seemed to be in shock. He stared at the wall opposite him with glazed eyes and a goofy grin on his face.

"I am the happiest Sadness-slayer ever!" Glorfindel exclaimed, turning to Faramir and Gríma. "There were all of the orcs outside, and then I hugged them and now they're happy!"

"What?" said Gríma. He went over to the door and looked out, and suddenly gasped in horror. There wasn't an Orc in sight. Instead, hundreds of various elves walked around outside, chatting and giggling. Hair was flipped not-so-fabulously, nails were painted, eyelashes were fluttered, cheeks were pinched, and more hair was flipped.

"Master is going to be so angry!" cried Gríma, clutching at his hair.

Suddenly, Saruman recovered from his hug-shock. He still had a goofy grin on his face, though. "I will be angry?" he said.

Gríma looked at him, terrified. "Yes," he said in a quivering whisper. He pointed outside. "See?"

Saruman sashayed over to the door, then looked out. "Oh!" he exclaimed upon seeing the elves all over the place. "How wonderful!"

"What?" said Gríma.

"You are so weird," said Faramir.

"Isn't it marvelous!" said Glorfindel.

"IT'S NOT MARVELOUS!" roared Saruman. Gríma cowered. Then Saruman beamed happily. "IT'S FANTABULOUS!"

"What?" said Gríma.

"My thoughts exactly," said Faramir.

"I love that new word!" said Glorfindel.

Saruman clasped his hands together excitedly and then spun back to face the three in the room with him. He gasped suddenly when he saw Faramir. "Faramir! You're here?"

"What?" said Gríma.

"Yes, I am," said Faramir.

"You need to stop saying 'what,' Gríma," said Glorfindel.

"I have a great idea!" Saruman cried, scooping up his staff from the floor where he had thrown it earlier. "Faramir, you are far too depressed!"

"I am?" said Faramir.

"Yes, you are. Anyways, I have a plan to un-depress you! Glorfindel, you told me about the blonde-haired lady over in Edoras!"

"I did?" said Glorfindel.

"Yes, you did! I have the plan, then!" Saruman smiled cheerfully. "This blonde-haired lady is a wonderful match for you, Faramir!"

"She is?" said Faramir.

"Yes, she is! Therefore…" Saruman smiled again. "I shall let you go visit her, and then you shall decide to get married!"

"I will?" said Faramir.

"Yes, you will!" Saruman waved his staff in the air. "Make sure you send me an invitation to the wedding. Banana split!" he declared, and Faramir vanished in a puff of white smoke.

"Oh, no!" Glorfindel exclaimed. He dashed over to Gríma and hugged him, then stood back happily. "Whew," he said, wiping his brow. "I'd forgotten to hug you. I'm sorry."

Gríma had passed out from the sheer amazingness of the hug. Glorfindel stared at him for a moment, then shrugged.

"So," said Saruman, still deliriously happy. "Do you have love in your life?"

"Who, me?" asked Glorfindel.

"Yes, you!"

"Oh, of course! Everyone loves me!" said Glorfindel.

A scowling elf dressed in black suddenly appeared next to Glorfindel. He scowled scowlingly at Glorfindel. "Everyone does _not_ love you," he said angrily, and scowled even more.

"Erestor!" Glorfindel exclaimed. "How did you get here? Come here, you need a hug!" He dashed at the adviser, only to smack into the wall of the tower when Erestor vanished again.

"Ooh, that had to hurt," said Saruman sympathetically. "Hey, have you heard about my new song? It's a big hit!"

"Uh…" said Glorfindel.

"It goes like this!" Saruman spread his arms wide and prepared to demonstrate. "TrolololololLOOOOOO –"

"Yes, actually," Glorfindel interrupted hastily. "I have heard it. It's wonderful." He looked at Saruman's outstretched arms, then shrugged and hugged him again.

"Oh, look, Gríma passed out," Saruman said happily, pointing at the unconscious white-faced human.

"Yes!" said Glorfindel, proud of himself. "My hugs are amazing!"

"I'll say," Saruman said.

Glorfindel didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything.

Saruman didn't say anything either.

An awkward silence descended.

The two stared at each other.

A cricket chirped.

Glorfindel hurried over to the cricket and scooped it up, giving it a hug. He set the crushed insect back down carefully and looked around. "Oh, Faramir's gone," he said.

"Yes, he is," Saruman said. "I sent him to go get married because I haven't been invited to a wedding in literally Ages. Do you remember that elf who was king of some random wood place?"

"Thranduil?"

"No…the other one…" Saruman waved vaguely.

"Oropher?"

"Um…no…"

"Amroth?"

"No, he was…the lady he was marrying wasn't an elf – she was…erm…"

"Ah!" said Glorfindel. "Thingol!"

"Yes! That was Ages ago!" complained Saruman. "Anyways, that was the last time I got invited to a wedding. It may or may not have had anything to do with the fact that I accidentally decimated the table with the wedding cake."

"Ooh."

"Yeah. They kicked me out."

"Oh well," said Glorfindel, randomly changing the subject. "But Faramir was my guide to Lothlórien! I need _someone_ to take me there!"

Saruman scratched his beard. "That's where that silver-haired Lord lives, right? What's-his-face?"

"Celeborn," Glorfindel offered.

"Yeah, him." Saruman's eyes glinted. "I remember him. He's one of the guys who threw me out of the wedding."

Glorfindel eyed him warily for a moment, then dashed over and hugged him quickly. Saruman immediately was happier, straightening up and smiling.

"I have a FANTABULOUS idea!" exclaimed Saruman suddenly, clasping his hands together excitedly.

"Oh?" said Glorfindel.

"Yes! Gríma can take you to Lothlórien!" Saruman looked at Glorfindel expectantly, grinning.

"Uh…" said Glorfindel. He didn't know if that was such a good idea.

Taking Glorfindel's uh-ness as agreement, Saruman smiled happily. "It's settled then!" he said, and waved his staff at the still-unconscious Gríma. Immediately, Gríma regained consciousness and scrambled to his feet.

"Oh, look, he's awake," said Glorfindel.

"Uh…yeah," said Saruman in a 'duh' voice. "Anyways. Gríma! You shall guide Glorfindel to Lothlórien."

"But I don't know where –"

"YES YOU DO," Saruman interrupted loudly. "YES. YOU DO."

"Uh…I mean, yes, I do!" Gríma giggled nervously and looked at Glorfindel.

Glorfindel stared at Gríma, then at Saruman. "Are you trying to trick me?" he said in a suspicious voice.

Saruman stared back at him. "Why would I try to trick you?"

"Because you don't like Celeborn?"

"Celeborn? I like Celeborn! We're best buds!" said Saruman.

"Sure," said Glorfindel. "Fine. I accept Gríma as my new guide. Come, Gríma!" He turned toward the door and started to leave, but then suddenly stopped and whirled. He dashed over to Saruman and hugged him swiftly, then ran out the door.

Gríma followed him, looking pitiful.

[_Ten minutes later a mysterious package appears on the front door of the tower. One of the elves kindly fetches it and throws it six hundred feet up through the window where Saruman was taking a nap. It hits him on the head and wakes him, and after blasting that kind elf with silver glitter from his staff, he reads the label to find that it's a very craftily crafted wedding invitation…]_

* * *

**HAHAHAHAHA THE INSANITY HAS CONTINUED. IF YOUR MIND SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTS, IT IS NOT MY FAULT, IT'S CRESCENT MOON DANCER'S FAULT, BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME TO GO AHEAD AND POST THIS, WHEN I WAS GOING TO INNOCENTLY DO IT EITHER TOMORROW OR MONDAY. SO FEEL FREE TO BLAME ANYONE BUT ME.  
(All right, my caps lock just died on me, which is depressing).**  
**Now. Who wants to bet that Gríma ****really doesn't know where Lothl****órien is?** **Who wants to bet that once again, Glorfindel isn't going to end up where he wanted?!  
Actually, no. I'm not allowed to gamble - but please, hand over your money! I'd love some! *smiled innocently and evilly, which should be theoretically impossible, but no, it's not*****  
(Aha, my caps lock has mysteriously revived!)  
NOW REVIEW OR GR****ÍMA WILL STEAL ALL OF YOUR SHOES, AND THEN SARUMAN WILL START TROLOLOLOLO-ING RIGHT WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE! ALSO, FARAMIR WILL SEND YOU AN INVITATION TO HIS WEDDING PARTY IF YOU REVIEW! THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE A BAD THING!  
**


	8. Glorfindel's Hugging Rampage Is Smaller

**Dedicated to another insane person on here, Pip the Dark Lord of All. Thank you so very much for causing** **me to go utterly crazy.**

* * *

"Uh…this doesn't look like Lothlórien," Glorfindel said, looking around the rolling hills and peaceful community that lay below him.

Gríma shrugged. "Hey, I already said that I don't know where it is. My Master made me come with you."

_TROLOLOLOLO! _echoed across the hills to them.

Gríma smacked his forehead. "I need to go help Master again," he said. "He's starting that dumb song that drives everyone crazy. Hopefully he won't reinvent the Denethor-plummet while he's at it, like he did last time." He started away, but Glorfindel gasped.

"No wait!" Glorfindel hurriedly hugged him, and Gríma managed to stay conscious for _almost_ a second this time before he flopped limply to the ground.

"Ah, my hugs are amazing," Glorfindel said happily, then turned to look down into the small village Gríma had accidentally led him to. There were strange houses in the ground, with odd windows and doors, winding paths, serene gardens, a bustling marketplace, and strange short thingies walking all over the place.

They reminded Glorfindel of those dragon-hairballs…em, dwarves that he had come upon a little while back, but they weren't hairy except for on their feet. Glorfindel gave the multiple creatures' feet another look. They did look rather odd – but Glorfindel was never one to judge anyone on what their feet looked like!

He clapped his hands together happily – _more_ things to hug! – and started down the hill toward them. Within seconds, he was among the bustling marketplace and everything had come to a stop. All of the little things were staring at him.

Glorfindel looked around, trying to decide which he should hug first.

"Is that an elf?" He could hear someone whisper from somewhere.

"It _is_ an elf!" He could hear someone else exclaim from somewhere else.

Everyone screamed – for once, not in terror – and ran at him.

"Oh, how wonderful!" Glorfindel exclaimed as he was bombarded in hugs. He eagerly returned them, hugging everything within hugging distance. He hugged a pony as well, which gave him an odd look, and then he continued hugging the other little things.

Hours later, the Hug-Fest was over. Glorfindel sat on the ground, his brain happy and fuzzy, and leaned against that pony's leg. All of the little people crowded around him, chattering excitedly. Glorfindel had never heard anyone talk so much.

"So what are you guys?" Glorfindel said drowsily, giving the leg he was leaning on a hug.

"We are Hobbits!" one announced proudly.

"Uh…"

"Halflings!"

"Eh?"

"Little People!"

"Um…"

"_Perianneth_?"

"Oh, right!" Glorfindel nodded understandingly. "How fascinating."

There would have been an awkward silence, but everyone was still talking to each other.

"So anyway," said one of the Hobbits. "I'm obviously the most important person you'd want to meet, Mister Elf. Come with me!" He grabbed Glorfindel's arm and dashed out of the crowd of other Hobbits, another Hobbit close behind.

"I'm Pippin," said the Hobbit that had just dragged Glorfindel out of the crowd.

"And I'm Merry!" said the Hobbit who had followed them.

They both extended their hands cheerily.

Glorfindel stared at their hands. He hesitated, then slowly bent down and…poked the hands with one finger. Satisfied, he straightened up and smiled. "I'm Glorfindel, the Sadness-Slayer!"

"We've heard of you!" exclaimed Pippin. "I have a title too!"

"Don't even," said Merry to the other Hobbit. "Yes, we have heard of you! Your accomplishments are known throughout the world!"

"My ability to cause others to pass out by hugging them?" cried Glorfindel in excitement, clasping his hands together.

"No," said Merry.

"I really want to tell you my title," Pippin said.

"My ability to cause others to scream in terror when they see me?" cried Glorfindel even more excitedly, clasping his hands together more tightly.

"No," said Merry.

"Can I please tell you my title?" Pippin said.

"Oh, I know!" cried Glorfindel. "My ability to make everyone love me?!"

There was a poof, and a scowling black-clad elf appeared next to Glorfindel. He smacked the Sadness-Slayer over the head with a heavy scroll. "Everyone does _not_ love you!" he snapped. "Stop saying that! Don't you ever learn?!"

Glorfindel opened his arms with a smile. "Hug?"

Erestor hit him again and vanished.

"Uh…" said Merry and Pippin. They stared for a long second, then Merry shook his head.

"Actually, no, it's not that either."

Glorfindel scratched his head. "Then why does everyone know who I am?"

"You killed a Balrog!" Merry exclaimed. "And you came back to life!"

Glorfindel gasped and then burst into tears. "That was the worst mistake of my life(s)!"

"Returning to life?" Merry asked.

Pippin took a step back.

"No, killing that poor Balrog!" Glorfindel wiped at his tears. "I should have hugged him!"

"You would have died," Merry said unsympathetically.

"He did die," Pippin said.

"Yes, but he would have died sooner. With much less amazingness," said Merry.

Glorfindel sniffed. "I need to feel better," he said. "I'm going to hug you."

Unlike every single other Hobbit he had already hugged, these two apparently didn't like hugs. Merry stood his ground bravely, but then whirled to flee when Glorfindel reached for him.

Glorfindel hugged Merry and then sat him down, some of his happiness restored. Then he reached for Pippin…

Pippin screamed and started running. Of course, Glorfindel caught him too and hugged him happily.

Pippin flopped limply and his face blehhed.

Glorfindel stared uncomprehendingly at the dead Pippin. "Huh?"

Merry sighed. "Set him down."

Glorfindel set him down.

"Now don't hug him again," Merry ordered, and then slapped Pippin fiercely across the face.

Pippin's dead body twitched.

Merry screamed into his ears, pounded on his chest, and then kicked him in the stomach.

Pippin gasped and sat up. "I had the most horrible dream!" he wheezed. "This tall golden person hugged me, with _happiness_ and _love_!"

Merry sighed.

Pippin puked into the bushes.

"Uh…" said Glorfindel.

"So what brought you to our lovely little town?" asked Merry.

"My guide guided me here. He was supposed to take me to Lothlórien." Glorfindel heaved a dramatic sigh. "Oh well."

"Hey, I know where Lothlórien is!" Merry said. "I've been there before!"

"Are you okay?" Glorfindel asked Pippin. "I could hug you again, maybe it would make you feel better."

Pippin gagged and bent over the bushes again.

Glorfindel shrugged and turned back to Merry. "You were saying?"

"Pippin and I will guide you to Lothlórien!" Merry volunteered.

"Ugh," moaned Pippin miserably.

"Okay," said Glorfindel. "I can't get any further away than I am now."

"Actually, yes you can," said Merry technically. He rubbed his hands together. "Another adventure then! Off we go!" He kicked Pippin in the backside. "Come on!"

Pippin scrambled up, invigorated by the kick. "All right! Wait. On one condition." He raised a dramatic eyebrow at Glorfindel and bit into a donut that magically appeared in his hand. "You will never, for no reason, under pain of death, _ever_ hug me again."

Glorfindel's face dropped. "Okay," he said sadly.

"Let's go, then!" Pippin said, and started off.

"Uh, Lothlórien is this way," said Merry.

"Right." Pippin turned and began marching in the other direction.

Glorfindel hesitated, then followed.

"So," said Pippin conversationally. "Your title is pretty cool. Sadness-Slayer and whatever. Want to hear _my_ title?"

"Please don't," said Merry.

Glorfindel shrugged.

"It's the DARK LORD OF ALL!" Pippin exclaimed dramatically. A lightsaber appeared in his hand and he swung it, chopping off something's head. He laughed maniacally and took a bite out of his donut.

"You see what I have to put up with?" Merry said.

"That's…interesting…" Glorfindel said.

Pippin holstered the lightsaber and finished off his donut. Another one appeared in his hand and he started eating it. "Yeah, thanks."

They continued walking for a while, then Pippin laughed suddenly.

"Hey, Merry, remember when –"

"Wait," Glorfindel interrupted.

The two Hobbits looked at him.

Glorfindel scratched his head. "Isn't Mary a girl's name?"

A scream of outrage echoed through the hills.

* * *

**Now review, or PIPPIN WILL TAKE ALL OF YOUR DONUTS! *laughs evilly***

**But seriously. He will. All of your donuts will be gone.**

**And then the worse thing ever will happen, Glorfindel will appear and hug you, and you will _have an allergic reaction and become violently ill!_**


	9. Glorfindel's Rampage Becomes Stranger

**I think I have multiple-personality disorder…I write these angsty, sweet stories – and then I open a new document and type this while cackling like a maniac. O.o Please tell me I'm not the only one that does this.  
AHAHAHAHAHAHA…never mind. I had to toss at least a little insanity there. To anyone who hasn't read The Fellowship of the Ring…read the author's note at the bottom.**

"So are we still friends?"

Merry sulked, stomping ahead of Glorfindel and Pippin. "No."

Glorfindel blinked innocently. "Please? I didn't mean it."

"It's a touchy subject," Pippin said with an evil glint in his eyes. "And Merry, your name _does_ sound like a girl's."

Merry screamed and hit him over the head with an apple.

Pippin smiled uninnocently, took the apple, and ate it in one bite.

"So we're friends again?" asked Glorfindel hopefully.

"Okay," Merry agreed. "Just don't ever say that again."

"Say what again? That I thought your name was a girl's name?"

Merry turned purple.

"Oh, that's a new one," Glorfindel said. "I can only make Erestor red. He has some competition now!"

Merry was apparently considering chewing Glorfindel's foot off, but he took a really long deep breath and managed to suppress it.

"He turned black one time, when that firework shot off right next to our faces," Pippin commented, casually swinging his lightsaber and slicing Spock's head off.

"That was your idea," Merry retorted, forgetting about everything else.

"No, it was yours."

"Yours!"

"Yours!"

"Yours!"

"Mine!"

"Mine – wait, what?" said Merry.

Pippin cackled and ate another donut.

Glorfindel stared at them oddly.

Suddenly, all three of them heard a voice echoing through the forest they were just leaving. "Hey dol! Merry dol! Ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! Hop along! Fal lal the willow!"

Pippin and Merry exchanged looks. Then Merry screamed and ran in the opposite direction; Pippin threw his donut and lightsaber in the air and ran after him.

"Flee while you can!" Merry shrieked as he and Pippin dashed away.

Glorfindel watched them leave, then he shrugged. He picked up the donut and ate it. A crack in the ground appeared and a hand came up through it, patting the ground and swiveling around to feel for something. A moment later, the hand found the lightsaber and it grabbed it, then vanished back into the ground.

Glorfindel stared as the strange hand did all of those things, then he finished his donut and continued walking in the direction he had been going before. He heard the voice again, singing cheerily.

"Tom Bom! Jolly Tom! Tom Bombadillo!"

Just a second later, a strange thing leaped out of the woods in front of Glorfindel. He had a fuzzy brown beard, a huge grin, and blue eyes that almost matched Glorfindel's.

"Um…" said Glorfindel.

"Why hello there!" said the odd little man, peering up curiously at the Sadness-Slayer.

"Hi…" said Glorfindel.

"Oh, I know who you are!" said the odd little man, who was apparently someone called 'Tom Bombadil.'

"So do I," said Glorfindel.

"You know who I am?" cried Tom delightedly.

"No, but I know who _I_ am," Glorfindel said.

"How delightfully boring!"

Glorfindel blinked, then his mind suddenly came back and he broke into a broad grin. "Oh, Iarwain!"

"Yes, that's one of my names." Tom grinned himself. "But I still know who you are! Glorfindel, Sadness-Slayer!"

"Finally, someone knows my title!" Glorfindel said excitedly, and then crushed Tom in a hug. He squeaked, and finally Glorfindel put him down. "So delighted to meet you!"

"Yes, quite," said Tom, putting his hat back on. "I must be going now! Good-bye!" And with that, he pranced away.

"Wait!" Glorfindel called after him. "I just lost my guides again! How do I get to Lothlórien!"

"Ask the stones!" said Tom, and then vanished.

Glorfindel considered that, then knelt down and stared very seriously at the ground. "Hello," he said politely. "I need to ask you where Lothlórien is."

The rocks didn't say anything.

"I really do need directions," said Glorfindel.

They still didn't say anything.

"Please?" Glorfindel said. "I'll give you…what would rocks want? I'll give you a leaf!"

The rocks remained silent.

"Oh!" said Glorfindel. He carefully picked up every rock and gave it a hug, then set them back down and stared at them expectantly.

"…" said the stones.

"What?" said Glorfindel.

"…"

"Thanks!" Glorfindel leaped to his feet and bounded into the trees to his right. A few minutes later, he found three big ugly stone statues sitting in a circle. They looked like they had been about to eat something, and then been rudely interrupted and turned to stone. He stared at them for a very long moment, then hugged them all.

They crumbled into dust.

Glorfindel sighed. "Well, there went my other guides."

_Shing,_ the sword on his waist said quietly.

"Don't say that, it's rude," Glorfindel said.

Just as he said that, the bushes rustled.

"The bushes just rustled," Glorfindel declared.

They rustled again.

_Shing!_ said Glorfindel's sword.

"No," Glorfindel scolded. "I told you, your job is cake-cutting. Don't be so violent."

_Shing_, said the sword, sounding disappointed.

"No," Glorfindel said, and looked back at the bushes.

They rustled again, and then a hairy leg slid out.

Glorfindel stared.

Another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out.

All of the hairy legs were followed by a hulking black slimy hairy body, upon which sat many disgusting eyes. The eyes stared at Glorfindel.

Glorfindel stared at the strange creature.

_Shing_? his sword said hopefully.

"No," Glorfindel said.

The big hairy spider moved forward and clacked evilly. "What do we have here?" it said, looking Glorfindel up and down with intent clear in its many eyes. It obviously wanted to eat him.

Glorfindel smiled politely and sweetly. "Good day, lady."

"I'm not a lady," hissed the spider.

"Oh, my apologies, _Lady Shelob_. I should have known you'd want to be called that."

She stomped three legs in irritation. "No! I don't want to be called that either –"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lady Shelob," Glorfindel said.

She screamed.

"Oh, dear," said Glorfindel. "It looks like someone is upset. Should I give you a hug?"

Shelob stared uncomprehendingly at him. "Wha?"

"Oh goody!" said Glorfindel, then he bounced across the clearing and hugged her happily for about two hours, making sure to give each leg special attention in his hugginess. When he was done, he stepped back with a huge grin and looked for her reaction.

::_:: went Shelob (she has many eyes, remember), and her legs wiggled this way and that, and then she fell floppily to the ground, her legs sprawled in all directions.

Glorfindel clapped happily. "You liked it!"

"Glehhggggcckkkk," said Shelob, and then she crumbled into dust.

Glorfindel's face fell. "You didn't even turn into an elf. How boring." He turned and walked in the other direction.

_Shing_, said his sword, sounding impressed.

"It wasn't my fault," Glorfindel said. "My hugs are simply too amazing for her to withstand, wonderful Lady Shelob she may be."

_Shi-i-ing,_ said the sword in annoyance.

"Oh, do shut up," Glorfindel said cheerily.

A moment later, something black and swirly and round and taller than Glorfindel appeared in front of Glorfindel.

Glorfindel looked at it. "Oh, look," he said. "A portal just appeared. I wonder where it leads."

_Shing_, the sword said defiantly.

"That's not a very good idea," Glorfindel disapproved.

_Shing!_ said the sword.

"Okay, fine," Glorfindel said. First he walked all around it while examining it. The portal was paper-thin, about four feet wide and eight feet tall. It was black, like the Void, but it had purple and green streaks swirling in it. All in all, it looked very mysterious, and I don't feel like describing anymore because imagination is important when you're reading and if I tell you what it completely looks like it'll spoil this paragraph because you'll get bored.

"Well, let's go through and find out what – what?" said Glorfindel. The reason he had just repeated that word twice was because somebody dressed in complete and utter black had just stepped through the portal.

"Erestor?" Glorfindel said.

"No, you dunce," said the person in a snotty voice that sounded similar to Erestor's but nevertheless was panicked. "It doesn't matter who I am, what matters is that I need you!"

"Do you need a hug?" asked Glorfindel with an understanding look on his face.

"NO!" the strange person shrieked. "You don't understand! I can't deal with this anymore! It's too depressing! I NEED EVERYONE TO HAVE A HUG!"

"Wait a second…" Glorfindel said. "I think I recognize you."

"Yes, we've met," said the person. "But that's not important! You must come with me!"

"I was going to go through there anyway," said Glorfindel. "Say, by any chance, does that happen to be a magical portal to Lothlórien?"

"No, it's a magical portal to where I live!" The person, who was surprisingly taller than Glorfindel, flapped his black sleeves in a panic. "Come on, we have to go! Follow me!" He leapt into the portal and disappeared.

_Shing,_ said the sword weirdly.

"Yes, I hope they have cake too," Glorfindel agreed.

Then he stepped forward into the portal and vanished in a flash of golden hair and pink glitter.

**To those of you who wondered (and have not read the incredibly amazing LotR trilogy), Tom Bombadil is just as I described him – a strange little person who wasn't a hobbit, a dwarf, a man, or an elf. What he was, no one knows for sure (compliments of our Dear Professor), but there are lots of theories! My theory is that he is a strange little person who met Glorfindel.**

**Someone guess who the mysterious person in black is! I dare you! I challenge you! I…don't think anyone's going to get it.**

**So! Review or Glorfindel's malicious sword will maliciously **_**SHING**_**! you! (Free cookies and lembas and pink glitter and donuts to anyone who can guess who gave it to him – refer to ch. 6 for hints). AND THEN IF YOU DON'T REVIEW, THE WORST THREAT THAT GLORFINDEL CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW! **_**YOU WILL HAVE TO CONVINCE ERESTOR TO CALM DOWN AFTER SOMEONE SPILLED TEA ON HIS BOOKS…**_

***slowly back away* *whispers* I need to go before Erestor sees me…**

***vanishes***

***swirly whirly black/purple portal appears beside you and your computer/tablet/phone/thing-you're-reading-this-on***


	10. Glorfindel's Hugging Rampage Deathifies

**Warning: This chapter contains **_**serious**_** OOCness…but then, isn't that in every chapter? And if you haven't read the Silmarillion, it probably won't make sense either…but then, do any of the chapters?**

"Aha!" said Glorfindel immediately upon coming out of the portal. It had vanished behind him and his sword fell creepily silent. "I _knew_ it was you!"

"Yes, yes, whatever," said the person in black, also known as Mandos, Námo, the Vala of the Dead, the creepiest Ainur, etc, etc, etc. In any case, he was the one who had brought Glorfindel to this place.

"What a depressing place," Glorfindel commented, looking around. There were a bunch of people walking around staring at the floor, with very glum expressions on their face. It was very dark. And gloomy. It was definitely gloomy.

"Yes! I know!" Námo clutched at his hair. "It's so _horrible_! They're all…they're all boring! And glum! And gloomy!"

"I can see that." Glorfindel looked around again, then his face suddenly lit up. "Oh! You want me to go hug everyone and cheer them up!"

"Finally you got it," the Vala said.

"It's going to take a while," Glorfindel commented, looking around at the endlessness of the Halls.

"Oh, time is different here."

"Excellent!" Glorfindel didn't actually need any convincing to hug anyone. He clapped happily. "I'll start with you!"

Námo's eyes widened. "I don't – szlh efsdflhwef kjehf?SEDF!"

Glorfindel hugged him comfortingly and patted his head. Finally he stepped back. "There you go, all better!"

Námo just stared for a long moment, then felt something different. He looked down and noticed something odd. His clothes were glittery and flashing and neon orange and green and pink!

Glorfindel smiled.

Námo screamed. Then he started bouncing around happily. "I feel alive!" he shrieked, then dashed away and vanished somewhere.

Glorfindel sighed delightedly and then he saw someone a few yards away, sitting on a stool and doodling with fabric. "That's cool," he said, looking over the woman's shoulder.

"Indeed," she said, her fingers moving over something that looked suspiciously like an image of Erestor tripping over a cat and the twins cackling in the background. Then she glanced up at Glorfindel. "And thank you _so_ much for causing my dear husband to go utterly crazy with happiness."

"It was my pleasure," Glorfindel said, and hugged her, then bounced away to hug more people.

He hugged all sorts of elves, blond and blonde-haired, brunet and brunette-haired, black and brown-haired, and red and silver-haired. Naturally, being all ghosts, it was rather awkward, but still super fun!

Then, after what seemed to be an infinite amount of amazing time hugging the randomest people, Glorfindel saw someone he recognized.

"Fëanor!" he said in delight, and hugged the elf that was sitting depressedly in a corner. "How are you doing?"

"I'm dead," Fëanor said, glaring at him.

"Oh, pff." Glorfindel waved his hand. "It could be worse."

"HOW COULD THIS GET ANY WORSE?!" Fëanor screamed.

Glorfindel didn't answer, just hugged him again. "There, there," he soothed. "It'll be okay."

Fëanor started sobbing, then hugged Glorfindel back. After a minute, Fëanor suddenly stood up and stomped fiercely on Glorfindel's toes, then ran away.

"Ow," said Glorfindel, and looked for someone else to hug. It was really easy, since there were people pretty much everywhere. He saw someone else he recognized, and quickly hurried to give them a hug too. He got many strange looks from other people, but he ignored them.

The person he was hugging, however, practically passed out. "Why are you hugging me?" he squeaked.

"I don't know," Glorfindel said. "Maybe because you need a hug?"

"But I'm – I'm Maeglin! I'm the traitor of Gondolin!"

"That you are," Glorfindel said cheerfully. "But you know what? You can't change the past, your dad was horrible, and you need a hug." He hugged him again.

Maeglin screamed, then started crying. Some random woman ran up and hugged him. "Oh, honey," she crooned. "It's okay, I'm here now."

"I don't like honey, or bees," said Glorfindel, and dashed away again. The next person he saw he recognized, of course, since Glorfindel actually knew pretty much everyone in the Halls because of the time he had spent there before.

"Turgon!" Glorfindel exclaimed.

"What?" The former King of Gondolin looked around in confusion. He was immediately tackled by Glorfindel.

"Wow, you are _so_ huggable," Glorfindel said. "If I had known how huggable you were, I would have hugged you earlier!" He squeezed. "You're practically a teddy bear! How adorable!"

"I am not a teddy bear, and I am not adorable," Turgon snorted.

"Yes you are," Glorfindel said, and left. Turgon screamed something behind him, but he didn't hear it since he was already gone.

The next person he found that he recognized was graffiti-ing all over the walls with someone else.

"Cool," Glorfindel commented, looking at the massive scribbles all over the wall. It was a really ugly dragon. "What's that?"

"A dragon," said the person he recognized.

"Duh," said the other person.

"Huh…" Glorfindel stared at the wall for a little while longer, then he bounced eagerly and lunged toward the two.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a _second_!" ordered the first one, tossing his auburn hair behind him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm hugging you," said Glorfindel.

"It's Glorfindel, I don't think he's going to kill you, Maedhros," said the other person.

"Shut up, Fingon," said Maedhros.

"I would never kill anyone!" Glorfindel said.

"Don't be rude, Maedhros," Fingon said.

"You killed a Balrog," Maedhros challenged. "What about that?"

Glorfindel stared at the two. He blinked. Then he sniffled.

Fingon immediately hurried over and gave him a comforting hug. "Shh, it's okay." He patted him on the back, and glared at Maedhros. "Meanie."

Maedhros scowled.

Glorfindel hugged Fingon back, then he stepped back. "Wait, I'm supposed to be the one hugging everyone!"

"Don't even think about it," Maedhros said when Glorfindel turned to him.

"Too late!" Glorfindel lunged and hugged him, and finally Maedhros just sat there with a strange look on his face.

"There, do you feel better?" Glorfindel asked, standing up.

Maedhros stood up too, then grabbed the spray paint cans and walked away. "Come on, Fingon, let's go mess up something else."

"Wow!" said Fingon. "He's in a really good mood now. Your hugs must be amazing."

"Not to gloat…" Glorfindel said. "But they are."

"Bye!" Fingon ran after Maedhros and they disappeared somewhere.

Glorfindel looked around for someone else to hug. Then he recognized someone. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen him before. "Ecthelion!"

A dark-haired person looked up from where he was hugging some random elf. "What? Glorfindel? Glorfindel!" He dropped the person he was hugging and screamed, then ran toward Glorfindel.

Glorfindel screamed too, and they did a weird handshake.

"What are you doing here again?!" Ecthelion exclaimed.

"Oh, I –"

"Took you long enough, it's been really boring here!"

"Yeah, I thought that –"

"I mean, I've the only one that's been hugging people here, and I've needed an accomplice!"

"Well actually, Námo said that –"

"So anyways, how's life been?" Ecthelion said.

"Uh. Good."

"Great!" Ecthelion patted his shoulder. "Okay, now what do you want to do?"

"I think I've hugged everyone," Glorfindel said, looking around at the now-cheery Halls of Mandos.

"Close enough," Ecthelion said. "When do you have to go back?"

"Now," said Námo, appearing right next to them.

"Already?" Glorfindel said in disappointment.

"Yes. Are you sure you got everyone, though?" Námo looked around at the brightening Halls and the cheerful faces everywhere.

"I think so," Glorfindel said.

Ecthelion was just staring at Námo.

Námo looked at Ecthelion, who was staring at him, then twirled to show off his new glittery outfit. "Do you like it?"

Ecthelion nodded mutely. "Uh-huh?"

"Do you want something like this?" Námo said with a glint in his eyes.

"Yes!"

"Too bad, they're just for me," Námo said.

Ecthelion sulked.

Glorfindel hugged him, and immediately Ecthelion's boring drab clothes were replaced with a orange robe that said '_I'm Amazing – That's My Name, Not An Adjective.'_

"I LOVE IT!" Ecthelion shrieked, and dashed away to show everyone his new clothes.

"Oh great, now he's going to be even more annoying," Námo said.

"So does that mean I'm done?" Glorfindel asked sadly.

"Yeah, I think so." Námo looked around.

Suddenly there was an explosion of swirly lights and rainbow sparkles. Glorfindel stared. Námo screamed, then grabbed everything closest to him and started throwing it at the person who had just appeared.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" said the person, dodging.

Námo threw one more vase for good measure, then he stopped and glared. "What are you doing here, Irmo?"

The Vala of Dreams looked shocked. "What, you think I wouldn't just want to come visit my baby brother?"

"No."

"You're right." Irmo turned to Glorfindel. "I really came for a hug. I've heard that they're the best in Arda and Aman!"

"Cool," Glorfindel said, then hugged him.

Irmo sighed with happiness. "Ah, you have the best hugs ever."

"You're welcome," said Glorfindel.

"Hey!" Námo said. "I'm the one that brought him here!"

"Yeah, thanks for sharing." Irmo smiled cheerfully and vanished.

"Is there anyone else to hug here?" Glorfindel asked, looking around.

"No," Námo said. "Do you want to go to Lothlórien now?"

"Oh, that would be helpful," Glorfindel agreed. He frowned and tapped his chin. "If only I could remember why I needed to go there…"

"You wanted to hug Lady Artanis," Námo suggested with an evil glint in his eyes.

"Who?"

"Artanis. Galadriel. Whatever." Námo waved his hand and everything vanished around Glorfindel, then he suddenly reappeared in the middle of a forest with massive trees and weird-colored leaves.

"Oh, look," said Glorfindel, following his own order and looking around. "I'm in Lothlórien." 

**Okay, if you haven't read the Silmarillion, most of this won't make any sense. To make it easy, pretty much everyone he hugged was just a famous dead person, except for the lady who was sewing, Námo, and Irmo. They were three of Valar, basically…they were Valar. It's too hard to explain, just Google the basics about them and you'll get it. Or you could just accept that Glorfindel has actually gone crazy and he's imagining it all (though he's really not).**

**So! Glorfindel's finally made it! This isn't the last chapter, though, I must warn you, though it's probably the second-to-last (unless I get a super awesome idea for where he could go next). I wanted him to meet some more famous people, but the chapter was getting too long and boring so I just cut them out. This is supposed to be an insanity-fic anyways. XD**

**(This is awkward, I've kinda run out of threats now… Oh wait, I've got one).**

**REVIEW OR MAEDHROS AND FINGON WILL GRAFFITI THEIR NOLDO SLOGAN ('DEMOCRACY AND SILMARILS, NOT THE VALAR') ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE AND THEN YOUR PARENTS WILL BE UPSET AND MAEDHROS AND FINGON WILL SNEAKILY TELL YOUR PARENTS THAT IT WAS YOUR FAULT AND THEN YOU'LL GET IN TROUBLE AND MAEDHROS AND FINGON STILL WON'T LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REVIEW and so basically, just write a review and make our lives easier! **


	11. Glorfindel's Hugging Rampage Ends?

**Before you read this really weird last chapter, I just want to thank **_**everyone**_** for reviewing, favoriting and following this story! You are all awesome peoples!**

**(Special mentions goes to ****Pip the Dark Lord of All****, who as you all know inspired this insanity; and ****Sixty-four K****, who reminded me that my birthday was today and…yeah, you can read about that at the bottom…)**

**Here's another chapter…dedicated to everyone!**

* * *

"Freeze!" came a voice right next to Glorfindel's ear. He smiled happily and turned, and whoever it was shrieked. "FRRREEEEZZEEE!"

"But it's not winter," Glorfindel said. He saw an elf with silver-blond hair, pointing an arrow at him and glaring angrily.

"What a frowny face," Glorfindel remarked, and hugged him. The elf stood motionless for a moment, then shoved him back.

"Okay, enough huggy huggy stuff. Put your hands in the air!"

"But I can't hug without my hands," Glorfindel explained. "If they're in the air, all I can hug are really tall people and birds. Also maybe the air, but I'm not sure if the air would want hugged."

_Whoo-ooo_, the wind whistled unhappily.

Glorfindel's jaw fell open. "Oh, my apologies then!" He hugged the air.

The elf stared at him for a long moment, then put up the bow and arrow. He pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket and fastened them to Glorfindel's hands.

"But why did you do that?" Glorfindel said sadly.

"March," said the elf, poking him in the back and making him move along a random trail. "By the way, you have the right to remain silent."

"Does that mean I can still talk?" Glorfindel asked politely.

"Yes…no…I think. You can talk. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of Elves."

"Oh good." Glorfindel sighed dramatically and wiped his forehead. "Have you _ever_ visited a court of Men? They run when you try to hug them! It's very frustrating!"

"That's going to be used against you," said the elf.

"So what's your name?"

The elf pulled a recorder out of his pocket and muttered into it. "Talking about courts of Men – possibly a spy. Trying to get my name, although I will never break."

"Oh, never mind," said Glorfindel. "I know your name! You're Haldir!"

"WHAT?" said Haldir. "How did you know that?"

"Uh…you're wearing a nametag." Glorfindel pointed to it.

"What the - ?" Haldir ripped it off and threw it into the bushes.

"Too late, I already know what your name is," Glorfindel said. "Hey, where are you taking me?"

"Also trying to find out that I'm taking him to Caras Galadhon," Haldir whispered to the recorder.

"I heard that," Glorfindel said.

"Argh!" Haldir scowled at him, still poking him in the back to move him along. "Well, pretend you didn't."

"I can't lie," Glorfindel said. "If someone asks me, I have to tell them the truth."

"Why would they ask you?"

"Because they're smart? Hey, why did you handcuff me anyway? Now I can't hug anyone." Glorfindel looked very sad.

Haldir looked at the huge tear-filled blue eyes – and he rolled his own eyes. "Nope, I've got two conniving little brothers, that won't work on me."

"Can you un-handcuff me?" Glorfindel asked hopefully.

"No."

"Is that recorder still on?"

"Yes."

"So that means it's still recording everything?"

"YES."

"Oh." Glorfindel fell silent for about two seconds. "Who are you going to give it to? Your boss?"

"Yes."

"So s/he is going to hear everything we're saying?"

"Yes!"

"Oh hooray! Wait, then why were you whispering?"

"Because you might have heard me."

Glorfindel would have clapped, but he couldn't because his hands were cuffed, so he settled for making a clapping noise with his mouth. He had finally gotten Haldir to say something other than yes or no. "But I could hear you if you were whispering, because I'm an elf and I have awesome whisper-listening skills."

"But you're also trespassing."

"I didn't mean to, Námo just dumped me here."

Haldir snorted. "Sure, with a swirly whirly teleporting black and purple flat thing, right?"

"Right," Glorfindel agreed.

Haldir stared at him, then blinked. "Well, I don't believe you."

"But I told you I don't lie! Why won't you believe me on that?"

"You might be lying about that too," Haldir said stubbornly.

"You are a serious pessimist," Glorfindel commented. "But don't worry, I can fix it! I think you need the 20-Hug Cure ™ very soon. If you would just take these off, I could help you with that."

"No." Haldir pulled out a bandana and tied it around Glorfindel's head, covering his eyes.

"I can't see," Glorfindel said.

"Yes," said Haldir. "That's the point. It's so you can't see where we're going."

"But you already told me where we were going," Glorfindel said.

"No I _didn't_. Remember?" Haldir winked conspiratorially, but Glorfindel didn't see it of course.

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did."

"Oh, it's hopeless."

"WAIT!" Glorfindel suddenly exclaimed, stopping. Haldir poked him and made him start walking again.

"Wait, you're _the_ Haldir, the one from the movies?!" Glorfindel made a happy clapping noise with his mouth again, since he couldn't do it with his hands.

Haldir's eye twitched. "Yes, I am."

Glorfindel frowned. "Well, that doesn't make sense. I thought you were supposed to be dead!"

Haldir stuck his foot out and Glorfindel tripped over it. "Oops," he said when Glorfindel fell face-first into a mud puddle.

Glorfindel stood up and started walking again.

"Anyways, I _did not_ die," Haldir said. "Obviously."

Glorfindel wasn't listening, as usual. "Hmm…then again, you could have been reborn/re-embodied, like me." He tried to tap his chin thoughtfully, but couldn't because he was handcuffed. "But I thought that only happened if you were killed by a Balrog." He gasped suddenly. "Were you killed by a Balrog?!"

"NO!" Haldir shrieked. "I'm not dead, and I never died!"

"But that doesn't make any sense," Glorfindel said. "It quite clearly showed you dead in the movie and – oof!"

When he woke up, he wasn't wearing the bandana around his eyes or the handcuffs anymore. He was sitting in a lawn chair in front of a big tree. Someone with silver hair was standing in front of him, sipping something that looked like red wine.

"Hello," Glorfindel said. He jumped up and started to hug the person, but the elf shoved the glass of 'wine' in his hand.

"Drink this first," said the random elf.

Glorfindel drank it and his jaw fell open. "Wow, this is good! What is it?"

"Kool-aid, of course." The elf straightened his robes. "I am Celeborn. It is a pleasure to meet you, Glorfindel the Sadness-slayer."

Glorfindel tossed the cup over his shoulder and hugged him. "Yes, delighted to meet you too!" he exclaimed, his voice muffled. Then he pulled back and smiled brightly. "So where am I?"

"You are in Caras Galadhon," said Celeborn imperiously, "at the heart of Lothlórien, where –"

"LOTHLÓRIEN!" Glorfindel screamed happily. He danced for a minute, then stopped. "Anyway, you were saying?"

Celeborn was staring into space. He giggled stupidly, then dashed away.

Glorfindel sat back down and grabbed another cup of Kool-aid, sipping on it. A minute later, a golden/blonde-haired tall lady walked into view, a hand-held mirror in her hand.

"So _that's_ the mysterious mirror of Galadriel," Glorfindel said in awe.

"No it's not, it's what I use to put my make-up on," Galadriel said. She finished dabbing her cheeks with some weird white powder, then put it in her pocket.

"Wait, so then the mirror doesn't actually exist?" Glorfindel frowned in bewilderment.

"Of course it does."

Glorfindel finished the drink and threw the glass somewhere. He jumped up and hugged her – which was awkward, since she was almost as tall as he, then plopped back down on his seat. He sighed. "This doesn't make any sense – I'm so confused."

"About your hugging condition?" Galadriel said with an understanding look. She secretly felt like whirling around and dancing after the hug, but somehow restrained herself.

"No, the mirror." Glorfindel found that his hands were still free, so he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I just watched the movie a little while ago, and it obviously showed that you poured water into the basin, and then looked into it. How is that a mirror?"

"Well, before glass and reflective silver was put together, we had to use water to look at our reflections," Galadriel said wisely.

"But that still doesn't make sense," Glorfindel mused. "If you have real glass mirrors now, why do you continue to use water?"

"Just accept it as one of the mysteries of life," Galadriel recommended in a mysterious voice, secretly wondering herself why she did it that way.

Glorfindel suddenly gasped in horror.

"What is it?!" Galadriel said worriedly.

"I've been serious for too long! I think I'm…going to…" Glorfindel gasped and choked.

"WAIT," Galadriel suddenly boomed, her face going a weird negative color and her hair becoming black. It looked very impressive. "WHY AREN'T YOU BOWING TO ME?"

"I don't feel like it." Glorfindel stood up and looked around, then dashed away. Once he was out of the clearing, he saw a bunch of elves standing around talking. He quickly ran to them and hugged them. Most of them passed out from the sheer amazingness of the hugs, but there were three left standing.

One of them was Haldir.

"Haldir!" Glorfindel exclaimed happily, and hugged him again.

Haldir sat down and started eating something.

The other two elves sat down and started eating as well, so Glorfindel sat down too. He looked around. "How wonderful to see you all! May I ask your names?"

"I'm Rúmil," said the youngest-looking elf with an evil grin on his face. Glorfindel's hugs did, after all, bring out the best in everyone.

"Mumble mumble," said the other elf, too busy eating to say his name.

"You already know my name, why would you ask?" Haldir stuffed something in his mouth.

"Because I'm inquisitive and amazing," Glorfindel said. He frowned suddenly. It didn't look right on his face – frowns _never_ looked right on his face. "Wait…I can't remember why I came here."

"You might have amnesia," Rúmil suggested maliciously. "After all, big bro here did a number on your head."

"How did you know I did that?!" Haldir exclaimed. He cleared his throat. "I mean…what makes you think I would do something like that?"

"Like what?" Glorfindel asked, wondering why they were being rude and hogging the food.

"He hit you in the back of the head with a loaf of Lady Galadriel's _lembas_." Rúmil said evilly. "BAM! You were out."

Glorfindel, meanwhile, was hugging Mumble mumble. As he had suspected, the elf gave him some food after a moment, staring absently into the forest with a goofy grin on his face. Glorfindel ate some of the food. "No, I think I would remember that."

Rúmil snickered.

"Wait…" Haldir said after a moment. "You know _our_ names, but I never did get yours. What's your name?"

"Are you going to record it?" Glorfindel asked happily.

"No, I had to destroy my recorder so no evidence would reach Lord Celeborn," Haldir said. "I ate it."

"But I thought Lady Galadriel was in charge here." Glorfindel scratched his head. "And who is Lord Celeborn anyway?"

Haldir and Rúmil sighed. "No," said Haldir. "We just want everyone to think that the Lady runs everything. Actually, Lord Celeborn is the military genius. Lady Galadriel just reads people's minds, stares at her reflection in the water, and looks scary."

"Oh," said Glorfindel. "That doesn't make any sense. Anyway, my name is Glorfindel." He tossed his hair over his shoulder. "The Sadness-slayer."

Haldir and Orophin passed out suddenly. Rúmil just blinked and took a bite out of his food.

Glorfindel looked at the two passed-out elves. "Did the shock of me hugging them finally hit them?"

"No." Rúmil finished his food and started on his brothers'. "Orophin passed out because he's hero-worshipped you for Ages, and I mean that literally, and Haldir passed out because he treated such a famous person so badly. He's nuts about career survival."

"Oh." Glorfindel ate the rest of his food and carefully wiped his hands off. "Why didn't you faint?"

"Because I have to finish eating first," Rúmil said. He chewed and swallowed the last bite, then his eyes became round and he squeaked. His eyes rolled up into his head and he fell backwards.

Glorfindel patted his head, then ran off to do something else. He found Galadriel in a place where there was a basin of water. She was looking in it and preening.

"Oh, hello again," Glorfindel said politely, and quickly hugged her. "Say, you wouldn't happen to have any orcs here, would you?"

"No, of course not," Galadriel sniffed. "They wouldn't dare come into the Golden Woods."

"Wait, that doesn't make sense either. Why is it called the Golden Woods?"

Galadriel stared at him in disbelief. "It's _obvious_!"

"Oh." Glorfindel shrugged. "Well, I forgot why I wanted to come here in the first place. Could you help me out?"

Galadriel looked dramatically into her mirror again. "You…wish to know why everyone in the world is sad?"

"That was it!" Glorfindel exclaimed happily. "So can you tell me why?"

"Well…" She straightened and smiled unconvincingly. "There are now no more unhappy people in the world. You've hugged them all and now everyone is deliriously happy."

"Oh, I was wondering what that happy bubbly feeling was." Glorfindel smiled. Then he gasped. "What? No one needs hugged? But – but I'll…I can't hug anyone now?" He sat down and looked like he was going to cry.

Galadriel patted him on the shoulder. "There, there, it'll be okay. I can find another job for you – you can brush my hair."

Glorfindel sniffled and stared at the ground, looking very sad.

Suddenly, there was a _poof_! Someone appeared next to them, wearing a silvery crown and there were tiny hummingbirds flitting around his hair. He had an eagle perched on his arm – and he was very tall, about three times taller than even Glorfindel!

Galadriel scowled and stomped away.

The person looked down at Glorfindel. Glorfindel looked up slowly – then he smiled happily and jumped up. He ran over and hugged him.

"Uh…thank you," said Manwë. "Anyway, I came here to tell you something."

"What?" said Glorfindel.

Manwë leaned down and...snapped his fingers! "Wake up," he said in a very deep booming voice.

Glorfindel stared.

They both waited.

Nothing happened.

Manwë's jaw dropped. "What?! I thought – well, Varda told me that I wasn't dreaming, but I didn't believe her!"

Glorfindel hugged him again.

Manwë shrunk down to normal size and the eagle and hummingbirds flew away. He still looked very Valar-ly though. "Well…I guess, if you or I aren't imagining all of this, then we can find you another job! I have one that's perfect for you – hugging and everything!"

Glorfindel beamed. "What is it?!"

Manwë smiled and opened his mouth. "It's – ooowwwwww!"

There was an arrow sticking out of his rear. Manwë screamed again and vanished.

Haldir, Rúmil, and Orophin ran into the clearing.

"Did you see that?" Haldir said proudly. "I scared him away from you!"

"Right in the backside, too!" Rúmil exclaimed happily.

"Mumble mumble!" said Orophin, his cheeks bulging like an adorable chipmunk's as he chewed.

"Say, who was that anyway?" Haldir asked.

Glorfindel thought about it. "I have no idea; he didn't give me a name."

"Meh." Rúmil shrugged. "Hey, do you want to go tangle people's hair and tie their shoelaces together? It's one of our favorite pastimes!"

Glorfindel looked at the three pairs of pleading eyes, and he was about to say yes, when his phone rang.

He pulled it out of his pocket and answered it. "Hello?"

It was Erestor. "Glorfindel!" the adviser shrieked. "You have to come back _now!_ Elladan and Elrohir have discovered the _secret_!"

"What secret?" Glorfindel said.

"What secret?" asked the three brothers.

"THE SECRET," Erestor howled.

"Ohh," said Glorfindel. "_The_ Secret! I'll be right there!" He put the phone back in his pocket and smiled. "Well, I've got to go! The twins have discovered the Secret!"

Haldir, Rúmil, and Orophin exchanged horrified glances. "They did?" they squeaked.

Glorfindel nodded. "I'm going to go do something. Maybe lock the closet."

"We're going with you," Haldir declared, and the other two nodded in agreement.

"All right then!" Glorfindel charged out of the clearing. "To Imladris!"

"Wait up!"

"You're going the wrong way!"

"Mumble mumble!"

* * *

**EVERYONE GUESS WHAT? TODAY IS MY FANFICTION BIRTHDAY! I'M ONE YEAR OLD TODAY! *squees***

**But also, oh my word! You have to go check out Sixty-four K's stories…she's awesome! She wrote a few stories for my birthday!**

***gives her a hug***

**Go check it out and review them, they're amazing! Three ficlets in one – it's called ****Moments In Time****, and it has two with Erestor and Glorfindel (two of my favorites! *dances happily*) and THRANDUIL AND GALION. I can't spoil it anymore, but you need to read and review them! X)**

**And then the other one, ****Illogical****, is a LotR/Sherlock crossover! And not the usual ones, oh no. This has ERESTOR AND GLORFINDEL IN IT. *dies***

**And she's also working on this GREAT Galion story! Really, you need to read them all!**

**So…I hope everyone had fun reading this insane story! It's finally come to an end, and I'm very proud of myself for actually finishing it. Unlike…ehem, something else. *looks away awkwardly***

**Thank you again, you wonderful people, you! Review and tell me if you liked it, and if you think I should write another insane fic with Glorfindel and Imladris troupe in it. X)**


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